All I Can Do
by GraveDancer
Summary: Meredith didn't deserve to be hurt so Derek walked away. And she was hurt by someone else. 2 years into the future. Song fic All I can Do by Chantal Kreviazuk. MerDer.
1. When You're On Your Own

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. It belongs to people far smarter, far more famous and far richer than me. If I can one day be involved in it besides being a fan, than that would be good. Because Allan (the dude who wrote the ever amazing 304) is my hero . . . fan to writer, that's cool!**

**So I'm starting a new fan fiction. Because I'm really enjoying working on Season 3 (which will probably be updated on Sunday, it would be tomorrow but I'm out all day, but Sunday should be good) I need a switch from that story line and to do something new and not screen play. So I've switched. **

**To another in the future fic. About 2 years from now. It's set right after 304, when Derek walked away. Except for Derek really really walked away in this fic. And it's not what I want to happen or what I think will happen. But just an idea that popped in my head.**

**And it's named after "All I can Do" by Chantal Kreviazuk. Each chapter title is a line from the song.**

**So enjoy.**

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Meredith rushed in the front door, out of breath and shaking off the rain that had gathered on her clothes on the short run from the car to the door. Life in Seattle was never dry. And of course the rain wasn't what had made her run inside, because Meredith's life had never been that simple. There were many words that could be used to describe her life and simple had never been one of them.

Lonely, dark, twisted, damaged, confusing, heartbreaking, painful, those words were much more accurate.

But that was life. And if Meredith was good at anything, it was dealing. Or more accurately avoiding all the scary jagged edges her life contained.

"Chris?" Meredith yelled looking around, wondering where he was. He never liked it when she was late. And never really understood how a surgeon's job sometimes ran overtime.

She didn't get a response but heard a loud bang coming from the kitchen. Loud bangs were never a good sign. She contemplated turning around but she knew that would just make it worse.

And the last thing she needed was for anything to be worse than it already was.

So she walked towards the kitchen trying not to wince at what was probably coming.

"Oh look who's finally home," her boyfriend of a year and a half commented in a more the rude tone. Meredith never liked that tone.

"Sorry Chris, my patient needed . . ." Meredith tried to explain.

But Chris cut her off, he always cut her off. "I don't care about your fucking patient. I'm your man and you were supposed to be home making me dinner."

"Chris, I couldn't . . ." Meredith tried to explain away a battle she knew she was going to lose.

"Did I say I wanted to hear it? No. Cook me my meal."

"I'm tired." Meredith didn't usually argue this much with him. But she could feel something inside her about to break. And that something scared her. Someone as broken as she was shouldn't be able to break more.

"Tired? And I'm hungry. Get to your real job."

And then it happened.

Exactly what Meredith had known would happen the second she threw back on her watch after scrubbing out and noticing she was running half an hour late.

Meredith felt the sting across her cheek as his hand connected with her skin. After all the hits Meredith always figured she would get used to it, but that never managed to happen. She blinked back tears as he stormed out of the room.

She was a surgeon. She had gone to one of the best med schools in the country. She had aced her high schools and although she had partied a lot in college she managed to get high enough marks for acceptance to med school. Meredith Grey was a smart woman. She knew life wasn't supposed to hurt this much.

And yet it did.

She knew if her friends had any idea of how painful her life had become they would come rescue her. She didn't have to suffer. George would let her cry on his shoulder and he would listen. Izzie would bake something and try so hard to be helpful even if the story made her heart break. Alex would give Chris bruises that made the ones Meredith had acquired look friendly. And Cristina, well Meredith didn't want to imagine what torture Cristina would put Chris through. Meredith knew her friends would rescue her.

But Meredith had never been a girl that liked being rescued.

Her eye caught her reflection in the window and even in the dark reflection she could see the redness of her cheek. The redness that would turn into yet another bruise to cover up the next morning. Thank god for Deluxe Beauty.

Recently she had been thinking maybe that she really needed rescuing after all.

Because she had always planned for a less than perfect life. After the childhood she had she wasn't about to expect a happily ever after. But she had always assumed that she would at least a content ever after. And this wasn't that.

She didn't blame Chris. He loved her. He just had an amazingly bad temper and she always managed to find the ways to push his buttons. And it hadn't started that way. She had met him about 2 years ago at Joe's. He had actively chased after her for six months till she finally gave him a shot. Which was big step considering the fact the night they met may have been the worse of her life. But they found each other. And for six more months they were happy. And then one night it had changed everything. She had said something in her sleep that he hadn't liked. And then next morning they had fought and he had hit her. It never got worse than one hit at a time. He had never sent her to the hospital, never done anything more than bruise her. So she put up with it.

She was getting too tired to put up with it much longer.

_You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, someone who isn't going to complicate your life, someone who will never hurt you._

Derek.

She missed Derek.

And he was right. As always he was right. She deserved someone who made her happy. She deserved an uncomplicated life. She deserved someone who would never hurt her.

As she gingerly wiped a tear off her painful cheek she knew she had to get out. This wasn't the life she wanted. She didn't know what the life was anymore, but this pain wasn't it. And it's not the life Derek had wanted for her. And Derek had loved her. She needed to get out.

But she didn't need rescuing. Not from her friends. Not from her bosses. And not from Derek.

For once, Meredith had to rescue herself.

**Okay, that was slightly shortish but it was more of an epilogue than an actual chapter. Set up where Meredith is now and how much she's hurting. I hope I captured the abuse bit well. I've never been abused in my life, and my boyfriend never even yells. So it's not from personal experience or anything like that. **

**And he's named Chris. Because I started writing this when Finn was making our life hell (it's only posted now because Der walking away worked with my plot line so well . . .which is the second time they've done something on the show to make my fic work better.) And I don't like Ellen's real life boyfriend Chris. I figure Ellen mixes bad with Chris. So there you go, character named.**

**And where's Derek? Well I know where Derek is, you will all find out next chapter. **

**The drill . . .read, love, review!**


	2. When You're at a Fork in the Road

**Disclaimer: Shonda Rimes owns Grey's Anatomy. If I was Shonda my nickname would be something like OMGImShonda not GraveDancer.**

**Thanks for all the great reviews of this story. It was so short and yet people loved it so that definitely made me smile. I have a lot of this one already written in my head so updates should come quickly enough.**

**This chapter is all Meredith again. You will find out more about exactly how bad things are for her and what she's planning on doing about it. You will also find out why Derek isn't around protecting her. Next chapter will be about Derek's life and what he's been up to. **

**Enjoy!**

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Meredith took a deep breath as she looked at her friends who had met her in the locker room after work. "I'm leaving?"

"What? You're leaving?" Izzie.

"Why the hell are you leaving?" Cristina.

"Seriously?" Alex.

"Where are you going to go?" George.

Meredith took another breath. She knew the questions would come. "Yes. I am seriously leaving. I'm going to New York." She chose to not answer Cristina's question as it was the hardest.

"New York?" three out of the four people yelled.

"You didn't answer my question. Come on, Mer what are you running from? Or more likely running to?" Cristina asked, laughing slightly.

Meredith gave her best friend a steely look, wishing that she could get away without revealing the whole truth, but realizing that it would be impossible to keep quiet. "I'm not running to Derek." Another deep breath. "I'm running because of Chris."

Izzie's looking confused now which Meredith assumed would happen. Part of her wishes she could have ran away without having this conversation, without having to explain herself. But her friends have always been there for her and she owed them something. Anything. And the truth would probably work best. "What did Chris do?"

Meredith shrugged, wanting to downplay the pain. "Besides treating me like a punching bag, not all that much."

"WHAT?!" Izzie and George yelled in unison.

"He hit you?" Alex looked mad. More than usual mad.

"And you didn't tell us?" Cristina demanded.

"I didn't know how to tell you, what to say." Meredith felt tears starting to prick at her eyes. And that's the last thing she wanted. If she was going to save herself she needed to be strong. Weakness would not get her anywhere.

"McDickass hit me, want to come help me castrate him would have been a good option." Cristina spat out.

"Cristina!" Izzie hissed at her for being insensitive. But Meredith didn't mind too much, right now she needed her friends to be normal.

"When did it start? Has he been hitting you the whole time?" George asked reaching for her hand. She was grateful for that.

"About a year ago," Meredith whispers, looking down at her feet. She felt Alex sit down beside her and pull her against him, even as he hit the bench on the other side with his fist.

"This has been going on for a year?" he demanded of her.

"Mer . . ." Izzie starts.

But Meredith decides to cut her off. She needs to explain it all before she lets her friends react. "No. Yes. Kind of." Meredith's voice sounded a whole lot shakier than she planned, so she takes another deep breath and hoped it would come out stronger. At the rate she was taking deep breaths she was going to pass out soon. "The first time it happened was a year ago. I . . .I said Derek's name in my sleep and Chris didn't handle it well. After that it was 6 months before it happened again. I had convinced myself it was a one time mistake, but than I was really late for work. And well yeah."

"And then it became more and more often, didn't it?" Alex gently asked, all the anger out of his voice.

Meredith silently nodded, not even trying to hold back her tears. Alex's arm felt too good around her. George's hand clasping hers felt strong and comforting. "This last month . . . this last month . . ."

"Mer, don't. You don't have to tell us. Don't worry. We're here, we don't need details." Izzie said supporting.

All of a sudden Alex sprang off the bench and punch the locker closest to him, cursing under his breath. "Bastard. Wait till I see him again . . ."

"Alex!" Izzie hissed under her breath.

It didn't seem possible but Meredith was crying harder now, the sobs wrenching through her body.

And then arms were around her. Cristina. Cristina was hugging her, telling her to relax, to calm down, gently telling her to shhh. Cristina.

Cristina's eyes caught her and she laughed. "Shut up. I'm your person."

Meredith buried her face into Cristina's shoulder and eventually started feeling a little more normal.

"Thanks guys," Meredith choked out about ten minutes later, her friends all still gathered around her protectively. "And Alex, don't, don't hurt him. I'm leaving, that's enough."

"You don't have to leave, Mer, we could, I don't know. But we could. I mean, there must be something we can do." George pleaded with her.

"No George, I think leaving is for the best. I need to get away. I need to take care of myself. Without you guys saving my ass. Without tequila and inappropriate men. I'll come back." Meredith explained,

"Sure you will." Now that Meredith had pulled herself together Cristina was back to herself.

"I will. I'm going for a year. I'm transferring only for the year. It's a good, good opportunity to learn from someone else. Dr. Pitt actually."

"Dr. Pitt?? He's the best neurosurgeon in the country!" Cristina exclaimed, as everyone else looked shocked and impressed all at once.

"That's why I'm going."

"No it's not. You don't care about the best Mer. Hell, you spent over a year training under the second best. And under in so many ways."

"You really don't need the extra training Meredith. Dr. Shepherd taught you well." George said.

"He taught Derek." Meredith whispered. She knew her friends would beg her not to go, but she didn't think it would be this hard to ignore their pleas.

Cristina was laughing now. Damn Cristina was laughing now. "One minute, you're moving to New York City, where McDreamy lives. You're going to be a resident in his field so you know that might get this attention. And you're going to work for the man that taught him. You expect us to believe this has nothing to do with Derek?"

"I'm not running to Derek," Meredith responded in a determined voice.

"It has something to do with Derek," Izzie gently stated.

"It always has something to do with Derek." Alex laughed.

Meredith didn't answer. She just looked at her hands as he friends talked around her. George still held one of her hands but things had calmed down considerably. They'd be okay. She's be okay. And she wasn't going to New York for Derek. She wasn't. Okay, maybe a little. But not to get him back, not to run after him. She needed to be in the same city as him. Right now she needed to feel safe.

Derek had always made her feel safe.

**I'm not 100 sure how much I loved this chapter. It felt awkward to me, I don't know why. Just that it feels a little awkward. I like the idea I had behind it, but it was hard to write. So I hope it turned out okay. Let me know what you think. **

**And this will probably be updated again in a bit. I'm at school in between classes. And I don't have class till 4. I have a test to study for but that shouldn't take too long. So it will be updated later this afternoon probably. And a Derek in New York chapter. Yay for that!**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	3. You Don't Know Which Way to Go

**Disclaimer: You know what happens on Grey's Anatomy tomorrow? Because I sure don't! No idea, because we've had like what, no spoilers. It's hell. But in short, GA is obviously not mine. Because if it was mine I would know.**

**I'm really happy that people are enjoying this story! After the first chapter I wasn't sure what people were thinking, because it really was so short and so different. And then I explained things more and I wasn't sure if it was believable or felt right so I'm really happy people liked it a lot. Yay for that!**

**Btw song lyrics as titles, not in order. Just using the line that fits the chapter.**

**And this is the Derek chapter. And because I know I've had at least one person ask how long this was going to be about 20 chapters.**

**Enjoy!**

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"No."

"Come on, you have to start again sometime."

Derek gave his older sister a look, begging her silently not to start up again, but he knew it wouldn't work. It hadn't worked in the last year. Not since she had gotten this crazy idea in her head that it was about time that he got back out there. He was the youngest, but out of all his sisters the one closest to him was by far the most annoying. And of course by annoying he meant protective.

"I don't have to start." Derek said.

"Derek, you've been back for 2 years now and . . ."

"And nothing, Nat. I'm not interested. We've been over this." Derek told her.

"We have. And we're going to keep going over this until I finally get you to give in." Natalie said, putting her hands on her hips in a way that frighteningly reminded Derek of their mother.

"And I appreciate your concern." Derek said giving his sister a quick kiss as he reached over and grabbed some french fries from the bowl beside her.

"Derek Shepherd. Keep your hands off of those. If the kids see you . . ." Natalie lectured him, in her best mom voice.

Derek just laughed.

"Seriously, Der, you need someone."

Derek just smiled sadly and shook his head. "No I don't. I have someone. I have you."

"I'm your sister. And as much as all my friends thought you were the cutest thing in high school I can't say I've ever seen it."

"Well I still don't need anyone. I'm good." Derek shrugged and sat down at the kitchen watching his sister cook. Two of his nephews were outside playing with his brother-in-law but he didn't partake today. Their uncle was around enough, they needed some dad time.

"You may be good but you're not happy." Natalie said, walking by Derek to get something off the table and ruffling his hair at the same time. She was just over a year older than him but yet always treated him like the baby of the family. They all did. But they were his family.

Knowing Meredith had made him appreciate his family so much more. She had no one. And he had this huge family. He appreciated it.

Meredith probably wasn't alone anymore though.

Not that Derek even liked thinking about it.

But sometimes he couldn't help himself. Okay, that was a lie. He could never help himself. And most times he didn't want to. She was Meredith.

But he smiles at his sister anyway.

"I am happy. My career is thriving. I have my family. A great group of friends. My life is good. What more can I ask for?"

"A date, Derek. You could ask for a date."

"I don't want a date." Derek whispered looking down at his sock covered feet.

"You're a great guy, Der." Derek scoffs at this but Natalie keeps talking. "You deserve to be with someone, to have a life. To have love."

Derek finds himself grateful that he's still looking at his feet. "I have love."

Natalie sighs. Derek had told her about Meredith. He hadn't told anyone else, but they had always been close, so he told her. She knew he had loved her. She knew he had loved her enough to walk away. Now she knew he still loved her. "Derek, you're not in Seattle anymore."

Derek burst out of chair, savagely running his fingers through his hair and beginning to pace the room. "I know that. God, I know I'm not in Seattle anymore."

"Do you want to be in Seattle?" Natalie questioned him.

"No, god no. If I'm there we won't be able to stay away from each other. And I'll break her. I can't break her."

"Maybe you won't."

"I love her too much to risk it."

"In that case I think it's time you move on."

"No." Derek said, reminding himself of the child he has once been, refusing to give something up. The stubborn streak had never left him. And Meredith wasn't something he was about to bend on.

"Derek . . ." Nat started, but Derek didn't want to hear it. He knew he walked away from Meredith two years ago. He knew the logical thing to do was move on with his life, like she probably had. He just couldn't bring himself to actually do anything like that. Felt too much like it would be the end. Of Meredith and him and what they were. Of him and what he was when he was with her.

"I don't want to move on from Meredith."

"Derek, you have to."

"No." Derek turned and looked at Natalie but he didn't really see her. In his mind's eye he was seeing what his Meredith had looked like first thing in the morning, rumpled and beautiful. And hearing her laugh in his head. He quietly and sadly laughed to himself. "I can be the guy that settles for someone I could never fully love and die with her. Never happy but at least I would have moved on. Or else years from now I could die alone and miserable and still madly in love with my Meredith."

"Derek . . ."

Derek smiled at his sister, really smiled. "I want my grave to say that I love Meredith forever."

And with that Derek walked away, slipping his shoes on and heading outside to play with his nephews.

**Okay, not an extremely long chapter, but I liked it. Lol. Shonda praises herself, why can't I?? So Derek is in New York, and not even trying to pretend to be trying to get over Meredith. So no he doesn't have a girlfriend, he hasn't even gone on a date in 2 years. Because Meredith was IT for him, so why even bother. He just wants to spend the rest of his life loving her, even if it means he's alone and miserable.**

**I plan to update again tomorrow afternoon or night after GA. Depends on how much work I get done on Season 3 (which will hopefully be updated by Sunday night but no promises there). So you won't have to wait long for this one.**

**The drill . . . read, love, review.**


	4. You Haven't Laughed in a While

**Disclaimer: I'd say if Grey's was mine Derek would be nearly naked on the next episode. But I'm sure you've all seen the promos. Derek is nearly naked on the next episode. But really, Grey's isn't mine. I wish it was.**

**I am so glad I'm getting so much positive feedback on this one! I am getting a few negative comments now and then for the first time ever, but I don't care. They're all about the boyfriend, who really isn't even in the story anymore. So meh. Overall people are enjoying this and I'm thrilled. **

**I had hoped to update both fics this weekend but family commitments that I didn't know existed got in the way. But I got this done and hopefully Season 3 will follow soon.**

**And randomly, I know I use Natalie as a name a lot. That's because my best friend in the WHOLE entire world is named Nat. She's my person. And I love her. So I use her name as Der's sister. I should have mentioned this last chapter, but I'm mentioning it now . . .this story is dedicated to my Nat. Because her name sake is playing a huge roll in it.**

**This is back to Meredith. She's in New York now and is just starting at her new job. She's lonely until she stumbles upon someone at lunch.**

**Enjoy.**

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Meredith hated New York.

Her first week had been hell. It has been sunny every day, the sky was smoggy, people were rushing everywhere, traffic was horrible. Her new "mentor" took himself far too seriously. People here took themselves far too seriously. But she kept her head up and kept going. Figuring the second week would be better.

It wasn't.

She missed Seattle. She missed Seattle Grace. She missed her friends. She even missed Bailey.

And she hated New York.

She couldn't picture the Derek she knew, and loved, living here. That man didn't belong here. That man would be swallowed up here and disappear into a huge grid lock, loose that charming, relaxed, fisherman quality that was damn appealing. That quality that made Derek him.

Not that she spent a lot of time thinking about Derek.

"Well, don't you look lonely?" a voice said from above her.

Meredith looked up to find a pretty middle-aged woman smiling down at her. Something about her looked familiar, but Meredith couldn't figure out what.

Before she could say anything the woman spoke again. "Mind if I sit with you?"

"Oh . . . umm, of course not." Meredith responded, slightly taken a back. She had been the first person in the city to even pretend to be nice to her.

"I'm Natalie Kent," the woman said reaching out to shake Meredith's hand.

"Meri Grey." Meredith responded, shaking hands, using the name she had decided to go by in New York. Whether is was so Chris didn't find her, or so that Derek wouldn't realize she was there. She just knew she didn't want to be Meredith anymore.

"So you work here?" Natalie asked gesturing to Meredith's blue scrubs.

"Neurosurgeon resident."

"Oh that has to be tough. I'm in pediatrics."

Meredith just took a bite of her sandwich and nodded. She had never been good at making friends. In elementary school she had gotten by fine. But in high school she had never really fit in, nor did she try. Come college her friends were her drinking buddies. Her first real friends had been her family of sorts in Seattle, and they had all fallen together so naturally.

God, she missed them.

And she really had no idea what to say to this woman. She looked friendly, nice, and easy going. But Meredith wasn't good at making friends.

"So you are new to the area?" Natalie asked.

"Yep. Just moved here." Meredith opted not to tell anyone where she was from. Another part of the avoiding Derek and Chris thing she had going on. Meredith knew how to avoid.

After that the two fell into a more easy conversation, about New York and the hospital and how big and scary and unfriendly it could be. For the first time since Meredith had moved there she didn't feel entirely alone. It was nice having someone to talk to. And this someone, she just felt comfortable. Something about her felt familiar, like they had met before. But Meredith knew that was impossible, she was good at remembering people. And she didn't remember her specifically. But something about her smile and her laugh. It just felt like Meredith knew it from somewhere else.

"So are you single?" Natalie asked after the topic of New York had been exhausted.

"Yep." Meredith said nodding, not really wanting to embellish on the messy details.

"Oooh . . ." Natalie said wagging her eyebrows in Mer's direction.

"No. Don't even think about it. You are not setting me up." But even as Meredith said it she was laughing. "Seriously!"

"Why not?"

Meredith sighed. "I came here partly because of a messy relationship. To actually. One chased me here. The other brought me here. Or I guess they both chased me here. Or brought me. I don't know. It's complicated." Natalie gives her a confused look, that is so eerily familiar Meredith feels a shiver down her spine. To hide the chill, Meredith just shrugs. "I'm dark and twisty."

Natalie's pager decided to go off at that moment, such was the life of doctors. "Well I have to go, but it's a shame you're not dating. You are just my brother's type."

"It is so not happening."

Natalie just laughed as she started walking away. "Meet me at the entrance at 9. My husband can watch the boys tonight. You and I are going for drinks."

Meredith just laughed and watched her new friend walk away. At least Meredith assumed it was her new friend. She just wished she could figure out what it was that was so familiar about her.

But drinks tonight. Meredith smiled.

First invite she had gotten since arriving.

**Hmmm . . .so last chapter you met Natalie, Derek's sister. Who had boys. And was trying to get Derek to date.**

**And now Meredith has met a doctor named Natalie. Who is very familiar to her and she doesn't know how. But there's something about the smile and the laugh and her confused look. And she had dark curly hair. And boys. And is trying to set Meredith up with her brother. **

**Coincidence? I think not.**

**And yeah, I know Meredith probably wouldn't be trying to hide from her boyfriend that badly as he wasn't crazy abusive, But I needed the name change to fit the story.**

**And I know when Nat found out that Meredith was neuro in all reality she would have said "Oh my brother is a neurosurgeon" but there's a reason she didn't and that will be explained later. Actually from this point on there will be a few things happening that don't make completely logical sense, but most of them have a reasoning behind them that will be explained later. **

**Next chapter will hopefully be up tomorrow and is Derek again.**

**And I'm so excited about this fanfic, so many twists and turns and complications. It shall be a lot of fun. Really the abusive boyfriend bit at the begging (although it will come into play again) was just a reason to get Meredith out of Seattle and into New York.**

**So read, love, review.**


	5. When you Can't Even Fake a Smile

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. If it was mine it would be on this Thursday. Instead of a repeat of an episode that was on just over a month ago. Not that that episode wasn't brilliant, I mean Derek did finally tell Meredith he loves her, but it's the principle of the thing.**

**And yay people are liking the twist!! As I said, this story has very little to do with abuse. It was mainly my reason for getting her out of Seattle and in New York. Where she could meet her new friend Nat. And things could take off from there. But don't worry, I'm not done with the strange things that will happen.**

**Okay, this one is a Derek chapter, about a week after the last chapter. It's fun! So enjoy!**

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"Derek!" a voice called as Derek turned to head out the door into the bright New York day. He missed Seattle. He didn't miss the Seattle weather.

"Ian!" Derek exclaimed turning around to find his friend and coworker Ian running up behind him.

"Where are you off to?" Ian asked.

"Meeting my sister for a later dinner. Yourself?"

"Actually came to find you."

"Me?"

"I was wondering if you had heard Dr. Pitt had taken on a new student. A 3rd year resident."

"Really? I didn't think he was taking students anymore." Derek said, giving his friend a perplexed look. Dr. Pitt had been his teacher and the man was a genius when it came to cutting. But he never liked teaching much.

"I don't know the details. Some young thing named Dr. Grey."

Dr. Grey. Derek stopped walking. Derek stopped breathing. Dr. Grey. A 3rd year neurosurgery resident named Dr. Grey. It had to be a coincidence. It wasn't his Dr. Grey. She was in Seattle, and happy with Finn or who knows who. Her friends were there. Her mom was there. She wouldn't move across the country to where she knew he was. She wouldn't. The name was a coincidence. His Meredith was not the type of girl to pick up and move a cross the country for the fun of it. She was in Seattle. She was Seattle, at least to him.

"Grey." Derek finally managed to squeak out.

Ian was looking at him strangely. "Yeah, Grey. Meri Grey."

Meri. Derek felt his breath woosh out of him. Meri. He knew it hadn't been his girl. He decided to ignore that his eyes felt like tearing up. He didn't want it to be his girl.

His girl was in Seattle, where she should be, away from him.

He said a quick goodbye to his friend and headed towards his car. As he turned it on The Clash filled the small space. Swearing he turned it off. Leave it to a woman to destroy his favourite band for him. Of course Meredith wasn't just any woman.

Meri Grey. Meri could be short for Meredith, but she never went by Meri. It was always Meredith. Or Mer. Grey was just a common name. It couldn't be his Meredith.

"I met someone." Natalie gushed the second he reached their table and sat down.

"I didn't know you were looking," Derek said sarcastically as he bent over to give his sister a kiss hello.

"I'm not. I found someone for you," she said laughing.

"I know I'm not looking," Derek said sitting down.

"Derek you have to meet her. She's wonderful and cute and just the type you go for." Natalie continued to gush.

"The type I go for is in Seattle, you know that." Derek said quietly, looking down at his lap. She had to still be in Seattle, she wasn't in New York.

"Derek, she's not an option anymore. Meri is." Natalie said, gently grabbing his hand in comfort. She felt bad for her little brother, she really did. The woman he had loved with his whole heart, still loved with his whole heart, had chosen someone else. That had to hurt. But he had to move on.

"Meri?" Derek said, his head popping up. There was that name again.

"She just moved her for work. And she knows no one except for me and she's miserable. Just meet her Derek, that's all I'm asking." Natalie pleaded with him.

"You're setting me up with a charity case?" Derek looked at her disbelievingly.

"Meri is not a charity case, she's great. Amazing really. I met her and I just knew she was the one for you." Natalie smiled at him, the smile she had been using all her life to guilt him into doing far too many things that he would have rather not.

"The one for me . . ."

"Yes, I know Der-bear. I really do know. But you can't spend the rest of your life pining for her. You need to move on, for your own good."

"Natalie, I . . ."

"Derek. Meredith loved you, no matter what happened to end it all, no matter who she chose, she loved you. At least she did at one time. Do you think she wants you to be alone forever because of her? She'd want you happy, like she is."

Derek winced. He knew Meredith was happy, he had left her so she would be free to be happy. But facing the fact she was happy was all too painful. But Natalie was right, Meredith would want him to be happy like she was. She would never wish him anything less. "Nat, I don't know . . ."

"I'm not asking you to marry her Derek. Just meet her. For coffee or drinks or something. Give her a chance."

"It's not a date."

"Just coffee."

"If I go, will you leave me be about this whole dating thing?"

"Yes. Well at least for a while."

"Fine." And with that Natalie all but squealed and excused herself to the washroom, Derek assumed to call Meri and tell her that her neurosurgeon brother agreed to meet her for coffee. Or even worse, she was calling their mom to tell her that Derek had finally given in, as even his mother has been riding his case.

He didn't want to date. He didn't want to meet Meri for coffee. But his sister had to bring up Meredith. And how Meredith wouldn't want him to be in New York and miserable. She'd want him happy. She had always wanted what she thought was best for him. It had always been the same way he felt about her, which is why he was in New York and miserable in the first place.

His sister had to bring up Meredith. Meredith was and would always be his weakness.

**Okay this chapter is kind of, sort of filler. Not really as it obviously led to Derek agreeing to meet "Meri" for coffee. But nothing important happened, just set up for later things. And now Derek also knows there's a Dr. Meri Grey in town, but she can't be his Meredith. Hehehehe. **

**And yes, yet again, things happen in this chapter that may not make logical sense. Mainly Nat leaving details out, like what Meri does for a living. But as I said, that stuff is going to be explained in later chapters.**

**I also know these chapters have been shorter than my average chapters, but they will get longer pretty soon. I think it's going to be about 2 more short ones and then some length to them. We'll see.**

**I plan to update this tomorrow, but it depends on how work on Season 3 comes along. If that goes well this will be updated for sure. But if not, it's a question. So yeah.**

**Read, love, review!**


	6. The Pleasure Can't Disguise Your Pain

**Disclaimer: The evil Youtube people just deleted all my videos and deleted my account because of all my GA videos. If GA was mine, they wouldn't have done that.**

**I LOVE how much people are liking this one! When I was thinking of this idea in my head I kept thinking of all the little twists and turns. And I was worried if people would like it, because it is so different. So all the praise makes me smile a lot. Thanks!**

**This chapter is basically a day or two after the last one. And as great as it is that Nat got her baby brother to agree to meeting Meri, she now has to get Meri to agree to meet him. Hehehe. **

**Enjoy!**

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"Come on, go out with him," Natalie pleaded Meredith as they sat on a bench in Central Park, cooling off from the jog they had taken together.

"Nat, I'm really not interested." Meredith responded.

"He's really good looking, does that help?"

Meredith gives her a skeptical look. " You think your own brother is good looking? That can't be a good sign."

"No, I don't think he's good looking. But all my life I've had to listen to my friends sing his praises. He's a great guy, Meri, he really is."

"I'm sure he is. I'm just not dating." Meredith pauses. "I'm knitting."

"Knitting?" Natalie is looking at her like she is crazy. Which she probably is.

But she just shrugs. "It's what I do when I give up men."

"Give up men. Why did you give up men?"

"Because, because . . .I don't want to get in to it. I gave up men. And now I'm knitting." Meredith said with a stubborn pout on her face.

"And you plan to knit for the rest of your life?" Natalie said using the tone she always used when Derek got stupid and stubborn.

"Maybe."

"You really are perfect for Derek."

Meredith felt her heart stop. Derek. She was perfect for Derek. Of course she already knew that. She hated to think about it, hated to talk about it, but she knew she was perfect for Derek. Of course Nat was talking about another Derek. Her brother Derek.

But the name alone sent chills down her back.

"Your brother's name is Derek?"

"Yep. But let's not get off topic, why did you give up men?"

Meredith looked her friend. She was her only friend. It had been over a month since she sat down beside her at lunch. And she was still Mer's only friend in New York. And she already loved her nearly as much as she loved her Seattle friends. That familiar part of her, whatever it was, pulled Meredith to her, comforted her. She loved having her as a friend. And now Natalie wanted to know the dark and twisty bits. Which Meredith wasn't sure she was ready to reveal.

But it might be worth it if it convinced Nat that she's be all wrong for her brother Derek.

"My last boyfriend was abusive. I got out of that one quickly. Well I got out of it quickly once it got too bad to ignore." Natalie gasped but Meredith kept talking. "My boyfriend before that…well that gets even more complicated. In short the man I loved told me he loved me. And then he walked away. As in walked out of the city away and I haven't heard from him since. It's been two years." Meredith was talking just above a whisper now. Remembering Derek, talking about Derek, always hurt more than even a passing thought about Chris hitting her.

"Oh, Meri, I had no idea. I'm so sorry." Natalie responded, gently rubbing Meredith's arm.

"I'm dark and twisty." Meredith said with a shrug, trying to ignore the tears pooling in her eyes. Damn Derek Shepherd. "I don't think you want me dating your brother."

"He's dark and twisty too. Trust me. And he's being as stubborn as you." Natalie said with a laugh.

"I'm not stubborn."

"Meri, you can't knit away your whole life just because a couple of guys hurt you. It's not fair to you. You have to move on."

"And the fact I can't move on makes me a good girlfriend for your brother?" Meredith gave her another skeptical look.

"I'm not asking you to go out with him. Just meet him for coffee. You could really use each other."

"It's not a date?"

"Just coffee."

"If I go, will you leave me be about this whole dating thing?"

Natalie nodded her head eagerly.

"Fine. But nothing more. Just the coffee date to get you to shut up."

Natalie bounced up, looking far too happy. She started stretching, a sure sign that she wanted to run again. "You'll like him Meri, you really will."

"Why is he dark and twisty?" Meredith thought to ask as she stood up to stretch herself.

"That's his story to tell." And with that Nat started to run, leaving Meredith to catch up behind her.

Great, Meredith thought to herself. She had agreed to a date with someone named Derek. Who was from Manhattan. And was dark and twisty like her. What had she gotten herself into? She just hoped that he wasn't a neurosurgeon who happened to have a thing for ferry boats.

**Okay, another short chapter. But trust me, the next one . . .long. Well maybe not long, but longer. The one after that, very long. Hehehe. It's about to get that much more fun.**

**But let me say, calling Meredith Meri is confusing. Lol.**

**So now Derek has agreed to meet Meri for coffee. And Meredith has agreed to meet Derek for coffee. Not knowing that it's his Meredith, and her not knowing it's her Derek. Hehehe. I love this. And yes, the coffee date is coming. They will see each other again very soon.**

**It's sad right, that I'm excited for my own fanfic??**

**I'll update this tonight possibly. If not tonight . . .well Saturday during the day. Because I'm probably going out partying tomorrow night and I don't want to be drunk an writing this. That could be bad. But tonight hopefully you'll get something. Tonight or Saturday. Season 3 should come Sunday (it would have been earlier but I had a lot of school work this week, this one is faster to update than season 3).**

**Read, love, review!!**


	7. You Can Fly Away

**Disclaimer: I can't think of anything creative and funny to put here. That's odd. Oh well, just know, Grey's Anatomy is not mine. If it was . . . well did you catch the repeat on ABC? With Mark in a towel and then it went to the promo to show Derek in a towel? Well that would be happening all the freakin time.**

**Thanks for all the praise of this story, still making me smile. This is my first chapter that will include both Derek and Meredith scenes. How fun is that?**

**On another note because it has been commented on . . . Natalie's married so her last name is Kent. So Meredith has no reason to think that Derek's last name is Shepherd.**

**So yeah, that's it. Enjoy.**

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"Dr. Grey." Dr. Pitt said walking up beside her as she was leaving the hospital. "Where are you off to?"

"Dr. Pitt," Meredith responded, "Just heading off for a date. Not a date. It's a long story that involves a very pushy Dr. Kent."

"She can be pushy. Enjoy yourself tonight. I just had to tell you something before you left."

"Yes?" Meredith asked, a little nervous that he could destroy her evening more than it already was. She was feeling more than a little pessimistic today.

"Dr. Derek Shepherd called me today, he asked about you."

Meredith's heart stopped. She actually literally felt her heart stop. "Dr . ..dr . . .Der . . he was asking about me?" She managed to get out.

"Do you know him?"

Meredith's mind worked quickly. She did know Derek, knew him far too well. But if she told Dr. Pitt that he would report back to Derek. And then her cover of Meri would be blown and Derek would be there. Everywhere. And the last thing she needed right now was for McDreamy to be everywhere.

"No, no," Meredith said shaking her head quickly. "It's just, I read about him. He's, he's one of the top. I didn't expect him to ask about me."

"He did."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. Derek was asking about her. Maybe coming to New York had been a mistake.

"I have an upcoming surgery that he's going to give a consult for. I am thinking that I will actually have him perform it as well. It's been a while since I've watched him work. You would be scrubbing in with him. Are you okay with that?"

'Scrubbing in with Dr. Shepherd? Yes. Yes, that would be fine."

Derek. Scrubbing in with Derek. All the name changes in the world couldn't help her if she had to stand over a patient with him. He'd know she was here. And she wasn't sure how he'd even take the news, he had been the one that had walked away. And now they'd be operating. Together. Like Katie Brice. And Mr. Levangi. And all the others. Meredith remembered each one. They'd be together again. It terrified her.

And partly made her feel like she was glowing, as awful and Harlequin as that sounded. But the thought of being close to him again made something inside her feel all light and shiny. She wasn't used to that feeling. And that terrified her too.

In short scrubbing in with Dr. McDreamy terrified her.

"Meri, are you okay? You look a little white."

"I'm fine. I'm fine." Meredith said, starting to walk again, needing some air. Just thinking of Derek's eyes and she already couldn't breathe.

"Are you sure?" Dr. Pitt called after her. He was usually all hardcore surgeon, and in some ways reminded her ever so much of Cristina, but ever since he had met her, he treated her like a daughter when she really needed it.

"Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know. It's a long story." Meredith said, wincing.

"Do I want to hear it?"

"No. No you don't."

Dr. Pitt laughed. "Enjoy your date tonight, Dr. Grey." And he walked away.

Date.

Tonight. Date with Derek tonight.

Which may be all but impossible to enjoy a date with a man named Derek when thoughts of another one danced in her head.

Derek ran his fingers through his hair as he gazed at his reflection in the mirror. He was looking good, at least he assumed he was. It had been years since he had gone on a date. Not that this was a date, but it was the closest he had gotten to one since he left Seattle.

Meri.

His sister seemed to adore her. And he adored his sister. So tonight couldn't be a complete waste of time. He might find a new friend. And that's all he wanted. He didn't want a girlfriend.

He wanted Meredith.

Some people, mainly all his family and friends thought he was stupid for not going back. Mark and Addison called him occasionally, asking him back. His sisters, besides Natalie, had long ago given up not knowing what else to do. He refused to go back to Seattle and back to Meredith. And he refused to get over her.

He couldn't go back.

And he couldn't get over her.

He loved her. He loved her every single day since the day he had first seen her sitting at Joe's. He couldn't remember a time he didn't love her, and was quite certain the time would never come again. Not that he wanted it to. He had assumed when he moved to New York that over time he'd forget her and get over her. It hadn't happened. And now he didn't want it to. Loving Meredith felt right. He wanted to do nothing else.

Even going out for coffee with another woman felt like he was cheating on her, cheating on what they had been.

But he couldn't go back. When he was with Meredith he lost the capability to be the good guy. He forgot to do the right thing. Instead all he wanted to do was be with her, touch her, love her, screw any consequences. And in the end he had hurt her. So badly he didn't think he could ever forgive himself. She had Finn now, and Finn was the good guy that would never hurt her like he did. And if she wasn't with Finn, she was with someone else that was good for her. Not him. He loved her too much to go back there and hurt her again.

So tonight he would go out with Meri, drink coffee and be polite.

But he wouldn't move on from his Meredith.

Derek sat at the table in the coffee shop, a single red rose resting on the table in front of him. He didn't like the rose. Too cheesy. Too overdone. But Natalie insisted that he have something to identify himself. Seemingly a really nice had of hair wasn't enough.

He had never been to this coffee shop before. It reminded him of the one him and Meredith had frequented in his Seattle days.

Thinking about Meredith probably wasn't a good thing when he was about to meet another woman. Especially one with the last name Grey.

And then the door opened and his world stopped.

Meredith.

Meredith was running late. Which was typical Meredith and she really hoped that Nat had told her brother she had a way of never being on time. Not that Meredith cared whether the brother had waited or not. It would be better if he had left. She didn't need another man in her life.

Especially not another man named Derek.

Not that she had a Derek in her life, but that small detail was beside the point. Derek had been in her life.

Great, now she was rambling in her own head.

She reached the door of the coffee shop, shocked at how much it reminded her of the one her and Derek used to frequent in Seattle.

And then she stepped in the door and her world stopped.

Derek.

With a single red rose resting on the table in front of him.

Meredith walked towards Derek as if she was in a trance. He hadn't changed much. A little more grey around the temples, but it suited him. And some frown lines had appeared around his eyes. Those hadn't been there before.

Derek slowly stood up as Meredith walked towards him. He felt like he was moving in slow motion. She hadn't changed at all. Her eyes didn't have the sparkle he had remembered but everything else . . .she was as beautiful as she had been the last time he saw her.

"Derek," Meredith whispered to him as she got close, not meeting his eyes. Looking anywhere and everywhere but his eyes.

"Meredith," he said, just as quietly, trying to meet her eyes.

"Nat's maiden name is Shepherd. I should, I should have asked." Meredith said, still not looking at him, blinking tears out of her eyes.

"And you're Meri Grey. I should have known." Derek says, shocked at the shakiness in his own voice.

And there they stood. Not knowing what to do, what to say, or anything. Derek looked her still trying to meet her eyes. She fidgeted with the rose he had handed her. Part of her wanted to fall into his arms and never move. Part of her wanted to run to somewhere, anywhere. And part of her just wanted to stand there and look at him.

She finally met his eyes. "Derek."

He holds her gaze. "Meredith."

And they just look at each other. He smiles at her, the McDreamy smile, and her eyes fill with tears. Derek's surprised to feel the wetness of his own. The world around them had all but disappeared for both of them as they stood and looked at each other. Derek had forgotten how right it felt, standing there and looking at her, being close to her. Meredith was shocked at how she felt she could just spend the rest of the day just where she was. Neither wanted to move. Neither wanted to remember that life for them wasn't that simple, that they couldn't just be Meredith and Derek. For that moment, they were standing in Seattle and looking at the person they loved more than anything. Not wanting anything else.

A tear crossed a path across Meredith's cheek.

Derek reached his arm up and wiped it away with his thumb.

And the spell was broken.

"I . . . I have to go," Meredith mumbled, gripping the rose tighter and turning and quickly exiting out the door.

Meredith.

The name echoed in Derek's head. He looked at the door swinging and knew he had to chase after her. He had never planned to go back to her, never planned to try again.

But now she was there.

He wasn't about to let her walk away this time.

**So umm, there's my update. Happy? Sorry it took a bit longer than expected. Some stuff came up in my life. Which I'm not going to explain now but may explain in further detail if this stuff is well . . .confirmed stuff. Lol. But I did get it out.**

**One note . . .Dr. Pitt should technically know Der and Mer worked together in the past. I know that. But for the purposes of this story, he didn't. He wasn't the one that hired her and never really looked into it. **

**And the whole Derek section was explaining why he's not going back, even though he's clearly miserable.**

**Next chapter (yeah, Derek running after Mer) will hopefully be up by late tonight. Season 3 got postponed but that will be up soon as well.**

**Okay . . . read, love, review.**


	8. A Shoulder to Cry when you Need It

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. I do not write for the show. I might one day, if my life goes well. And really, than I would be so cool. And I'd write in my blogs about how cool I was. It would be the life. I promise that even though I'd obviously be rubbing it in everyone's faces I'd give you a lot of naked Derek in return.**

**Okay, updating this one now, because well, I kind of left it hanging. And then the plan is to not touch this one again until I update season 3, but that may or may not happen. Because I have hit a wall in it. And not sure where to take it, because everything I write doesn't feel right. So I'm going to try but no promises. This one is probably going to get updated long before Season 3. But well you know.**

**Love that everyone loved that last chapter. So here's another one for your pleasure. And yes, it is completely Meredith and Derek interaction.**

**Enjoy!**

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"Meredith! Mer! Slow down," Derek yelled, running after her as she left the sidewalk and crossed into a deserted park. "Mer!"

She knew she should keep running. Stopping wasn't a good idea at all. But she knew he was Derek. He wouldn't let her run. He knew she was in New York now and he'd be everywhere. There was no out running Derek Shepherd.

So finally she stopped.

"Meredith," Derek said again, catching up to her and resting his hand on her back, as he caught his breath.

She pulled away abruptly. "Don't Derek, just don't."

"Mer . . ." he started but then her hand caught his attention. "You're bleeding."

"Oh," Meredith said, looking down at her hand, where the thorns in the rose had cut her. "It's just a little . . ."

But Derek was already reaching into her bag that hung between them, knowing he would find Kleenex and band-aids in it. "Come on, I'll take care of it," he said, taking the rose gently out of her hand and applying the Kleenex to it.

"Derek, " Meredith choked out, looking from the hand he was holding up to his eyes. Hers were filled with tears.

"I missed you," he simply whispered, giving her a little smile.

She didn't smile back. "You left."

"Meredith . . ."

"No, you say Meredith and I yell, remember?" Derek laughed sadly and nodded his head. "You left me. I was sick, in the hospital. Recovering from surgery that one of my best friends performed. The time he did it before that he nearly killed the patient. I was recovering. And I was alone. You left me."

She was yelling at him but her hand still rested in his, as he blotted at the cuts that continued to lightly bleed. He took that as a good sign.

"Meredith . . ."

"Oh I'm not done yelling. Not even close, Derek Shepherd. You told me you loved me. Loved me forever actually. You said you were done with Addison. That you wanted me. That you wanted me to take my time. Derek, you said all the right things. And then you walked away and took that all away from me. You said you loved me and you left me."

"Meredith . . ."

"Why the hell did you do that? Why did you walk away? I never got an explanation. I never got a damn explanation. You didn't even really say goodbye. Derek, why?"

"Finn . . ."

"I dumped Finn. About an hour after you told me you were walking away, I dumped him." Meredith was truly crying now. "I chose you Derek. It was always you. You just walked away before you gave me a chance."

Derek stood there, the Kleenex resting on her hand that still was held by his own, not knowing what to say. He had always assumed that she was okay with him leaving, that she realized Finn was better for her. But she had chosen him. He truly was an idiot.

"Finn was the better guy," he finally choked out.

"I didn't want the better guy, I wanted you." Meredith cried, meeting his eyes. She was shocked to see they weren't dry. He might not realize it but his eyes were as full as her own. A tear traced it's way down his cheek, and Meredith had to fight the urge not to reach over and wipe it away.

"God Mer. I'm . . . I don't know what to say. I didn't want to hurt you. I just didn't want to hurt you anymore. I wanted you to be happy. You've always deserved someone that made you happy. I couldn't stand by and watch the woman I love get hurt anymore, even if I was the one causing the pain."

"And you didn't think leaving would hurt me? You didn't think just to decide not to hurt me anymore. Instead you ran away." Meredith said, not one hundred percent sure if she should slap him or kiss him.

"Mer, I . . .I . . .I wasn't thinking, I just, I just.." Derek sighed. He felt the urge to run his fingers through his hair like he always did when he was stressed but didn't want to let go of Meredith's hand and the small contact he had with her. "I didn't want you to get hurt."

Meredith's head popped up at this and laughed bitterly. "And your plan worked so well." With that Meredith pulled her hand out of Derek's and started walking away.

Derek grabbed onto her arm. He couldn't let her go. Not yet. He couldn't let her go. "Meredith, what does that mean?"

"Nothing, Derek, nothing."

"Mer, you're shaking. It meant something."

Meredith looked up into his eyes, expecting to see anger, pain, something to make her angrier at him. But all she saw was concern and worry. And something else mixed in, but she wasn't willing to look deeper into that one. She had already given up.

"Chris," she whispered.

"Chris, who's Chris?" Derek asked.

"My boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend. He . . .he . . .hit me." Her voice was all but falling apart.

Derek was speechless. Someone had hurt her, hurt his Meredith. He had left to insure that would never happen and someone had hurt her worse than he ever would have. Rage coursed through his veins. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to hit Chris. His body stiffened as anger flashed through his eyes. His Meredith. Someone had hurt his Meredith. He was ready for battle.

And then he looked at the sobbing girl in front of him.

The anger drained from his body, as he pulled her into his arms. She didn't fight back, just let herself be held. The only time she had cried over what had happened was when she told her friends she had to leave. Since then she hadn't shed a tear. She needed this. She had needed Derek, even if she was far too terrified to admit it to herself.

"Shhhh, shhh. I'm here, Mer. I'm here. Shhh. No one is going to hurt you," Derek said, holding her close with one arm, and running his fingers lightly through her hair.

She cried onto his shoulder, making the sleeve soaked with tears but neither of them really cared. For the first time since he had walked away they both felt safe again. All they needed was each other.

So they stood together in the sun.

"Meredith?" Derek whispered a few minutes later when her tears had started to slightly lessen.

Hearing her name she pulled back slightly but not out of his arms. And looked up and met his eyes. Hers were red and puffy and still filled with tears. His were full of pain, anger, and love all mixed into one. Only Derek could pull off that many emotions in one look, Meredith bitterly thought to herself. But she kept looking.

And so did he.

"Meredith." He said again. But this time it wasn't a question.

He wasn't looking at her eyes anymore, but staring at her lips. He unconsciously ran his tongue over his own, wondering if she still tasted the same. Her eyes shifted to his mouth as she saw his tongue flicker out. She wondered if he still tasted the same. Slowly his head started to lower and she felt her heart beat pick up. Derek wasn't sure he was breathing. And didn't want to risk looking away, out of fear that she would stop moving ever so slowly towards him. Their lips were inches a part. Part of Meredith wanted to pull away, but another part begged her not to.

Sirens blared going down the street beside them.

That small distraction was enough. "Derek, we can't," Meredith pleaded pulling away, sounding a lot more breathless than a non-kiss should warrant.

Meredith turned to run, but Derek grabbed her arm.

"Mer, you can't just run away. We tried that. And look where we ended up. We can't run away, not this time." Derek said. His words were forceful but his voice was gentle. And his eyes, Meredith couldn't look at his eyes.

"Der, we have to. This . . .this can't happen. We have to run away." Meredith pleaded, staring at his shoes.

"Meredith, we can't run away from fate."

And this time he didn't give her time. He didn't give her the option to pull away. Gripping her small arm in his hand, he gently pulled her towards him and smashed his lips against hers.

She froze. But only for an instant. And then she was kissing him back. Her lips parted to allow his tongue to enter her mouth. He released her arm, and snaked his arms around her back, pulling her even closer. Her hands traveled up his back and found their way to tangle themselves into her hair.

Her lips tasted salty from her tears but she still tasted the same.

His lips hadn't changed, not at all.

All to soon her pulled away, breathing heavily and resting her forehead against her own. Her breaths were unsteady and so were her legs. But Derek held her up.

"Derek," Meredith said her voice sounding husky. She had forgotten how good his aroused body felt against her own.

"Mer . . .Mer . . .this is fate." And then he quickly kissed her. Soft. Gentle. Fast. "You'll be hearing from me."

And then he turned and walked away, giving Meredith one last parting smile.

She just stood there.

**Okay, finally updated. And I must say I loved this chapter. Loved my kissing. They weren't supposed to kiss but I couldn't stop them. I think it's because I wanted them to kiss so badly last night, and they didn't. So they kissed in my fanfic world. And it was hot.**

**Not saying anything else. Will hopefully update both this and Season 3 this weekend. That's the game plan at least.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	9. You Can Make it What You Want to Be

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy belongs to Shonda. Meredith belongs to Shonda. Derek belongs to Shonda. Basically everything belongs to Shonda. Natalie belongs to me. And I think that's it. Oh and in my dreams Paddy definitely belongs to me.**

**So this chapter has no Meredith and Derek interaction. Sorry. But it has a lot of fun other things. And some weird things that were never addressed are finally address. And they're both in this chapter just well not together.**

**And expect this one to get updated a least once a day. Because I was at work the other day and came up with an amazing idea for my next fic, so this one has to get finished up. Hehehe. **

**Enjoy!**

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Natalie walked into her office early the next morning, having just hung up on her baby brother telling him she didn't feel like dealing with the mess him and Meredith were at the moment. And there was half of the mess sitting at her desk. At least it was the half that she wasn't related to. Of course, if her plan worked it probably wouldn't be too long before she was.

"Meredith!" Nat exclaimed, forcing herself to look surprised. "I didn't expect to see you today." That was a complete lie. Even though it was Meredith's day off Natalie had fully expected to see her today.

"You're maiden name is Shepherd." Meredith said in a flat tone.

"That it is." Natalie said with a small smile on her face, refusing to meet Meredith's eyes.

" He's my Derek," Meredith said. Natalie had expected anger. Or shock. She didn't expect the sadness in Meredith's voice.

And now she couldn't help but to tell the truth.

"I know, Mer," Natalie said gently, pulling a chair up beside her.

"You knew?" Meredith's head popped up and anger flashed in her eyes. Natalie was her one friend in New York and this is what she did. "You knew? And you didn't tell me?"

Meredith went to get up and head towards the door, not wanting to hear more, but Natalie grabbed her arm and forced her to sit down. "Hear me out," Natalie pleaded with her.

Meredith looked down at her arm, still held tightly by Natalie's hand. "Your family sure likes grabbing arms," she said with a small laugh.

Natalie shrugged. "We're pushy when we need to be."

"Don't I know it." Meredith looked at her friend, seeing the pleading eyes and she realized why they had always been so familiar. Derek had Natalie's eyes. The same expressions, the same colour. The same way of making her stop dead in her tracks. "Fine, I'll listen. It better be good."

Natalie sighed. "I knew. It's why I never told you his last name. Or what he did. Or too much about him. I knew you wouldn't go out with him if you knew."

"But why? Why did you set me up with . . .him? He hurt me."

"My brother is an idiot." Natalie said with a laugh.

"Oh there's something we most definitely agree on."

"When Derek moved home nearly 2 years ago, I knew something had happened in Seattle. Besides the divorce, besides the slutty intern. He wasn't Derek anymore. I guess you could say he was broken."

"He's the one . . ." Meredith started to cut in.

"Mer, I know." Natalie said, squeezing her hand. "The rest of the family assumed it was nothing serious, just adjusting to being divorced and back in New York. But Derek is my best friend. I couldn't leave it at that. So I harassed, and harassed and harassed. And then one day he told me about you. He told me about your first night together. He told me how he fell head over heals in love with you not even realizing it. And how Addison came and ruined it all. And prom night. And Finn. He told me everything. Mer, Derek and I we've always been close. His first word was Nat, not mom or dad. And I've seen him in love too many times to count. I've never seen him that enraptured by anyone. I knew you were it for him."

By this time tears were streaming down Meredith's face, as her shoulders shuddered with repressed sobs. "He, he left me."

"I know. Idiot, remember?" Natalie said, giving Meredith a quick squeeze around the shoulders. "He was still so madly in love with you when he got here. I expected him to be gone again within a month. And then a month became 6 months, and still he was here. So I started thinking he'd start to move on. He never did. Last night was his first pseudo date since he came home. He was just happy being in love with you, even if he couldn't have you."

Meredith shook her head. "Why, why didn't he come to me?"

"Because he loves you, he loves you so much that I don't think he quite knows how to deal with it. And he didn't want to hurt you again. He'd rather live without you then hurt you again."

Meredith drew in a shaky breath, and tried to pull herself together, but she knew it was impossible.

Natalie continued before Meredith had a chance to say anything. "And then I saw you looking lonely and broken in the cafeteria. I sat with you because you made me think of him. You were the same he's been since he got back. I couldn't help him, so I figured I might be able to help you. It didn't take me long to figure out who you were. And, well, two birds with one stone as they say."

Meredith jammed at her eyes with her hands, willing the tears to stop. "But if he was scared . . .why did you?"

"Because he's my baby brother. And he's scared shitless but I believe you're the only person who will ever make him happy. And Meredith, I haven't known you long, but I see why he loves you. You deserve to be happy too."

"We just hurt each other, I don't see . . ."

Natalie cut her off. "He loves you. And you love him."

Meredith looked at her, panic filling her read and wet eyes. "I . . .I . . . He kissed me." Meredith said, deciding not to deny a fact she knew was true.

Natalie's face burst into a smile. "He did?"

Meredith nodded back, a small, reluctant smile playing on her lips. "I don't know if I'm ready for this, Nat."

"Meredith, if I'm right about what you and Derek share, I don't think you're supposed to be ready for it."

"Meri. Meri is Meredith."

Her little brother stood in front of her desk, right beside the chair that the aforementioned woman had only vacated less than an hour before. Although right now he didn't look so little. He was mad, and somehow Derek always managed to look bigger when he was mad. And according to her friends sexier, but that was beside the point.

"Yes, I know."

"What? You know?" Derek said. Okay, maybe her friends wouldn't think he was all that sexy right now. Red faces usually aren't flattering.

"One, she already told me you were here Derek, so one can assume she's your Meredith. Two, and more importantly, do you really think I would set up my brother with a woman not knowing everything about her?" Natalie said with a smirk on her face. Now that she knew for sure Meredith's feelings, she was going to have fun with this.

"You knew before you set me up with her?" Derek looked, well, confused.

"That I did. Didn't you think it was odd I never told you where she was from? Or what she did?"

"I thought, I thought . . .I don't know what I thought." Derek said running his hands through his hair. He was far too young to remember our dad, but somehow he had managed to pick that mannerism up from him.

"On the subject of that wonderful lady that stole your heart, next time you want to tell me the sob story that is your life, make sure you get the details right."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Derek demanded to know.

"She didn't choose the other guy. You walked away. She never chose the other guy."

Derek sunk into the chair to his side, the one that Meredith had been sitting in. "She should have, she should have stayed with Finn."

"You're an idiot."

At that Derek looked up and stared at his sister. They had been close their entire lives. Every time he made a mistake she was always on his side. She never judged him. The rest of the family doubted all his decision and were far to protective. Natalie had always been on his side. She never called him an idiot.

"Excuse me?" Derek asked incredulous.

"You left Addison because you loved Meredith. And don't try to convince me of anything left. And when she leaves her vet for you, you think she shouldn't have. Because seemingly you're free to make your own choices, but Meredith has to live the way you want her to. Well she didn't. She left him and risked getting hurt again by you. Which you managed to do quite beautifully. Don't blame any of this on her. It's you who created this mess. And no Derek, this time I'm not on your side."

"But you set me up with her . . ." Derek looked really confused now. If she wasn't on his side, she was sure trying to fix things for him anyways.

"Because I do love you. And you love her. You love her probably on levels you don't even comprehend. And that's why you stayed here hurting and broken, because you were far too terrified to go back to Seattle and risk all of that again. So you took the coward's way out . . . and god knows you don't deserve the woman but I want you to be happy. And I want her to be happy. And seemingly you need each other to be happy." Natalie finished with a shrug.

Derek however was shaking his head in disagreement. "No, Meredith deserves . . ."

Natalie cut him off, crouching down in front of him and resting her hands on his knees. "Meredith deserves to be with the man that she loves to the point that not being with him destroys her. The first time I met her I chose to sit beside her because she reminded me of you. Sitting alone, looking lonely and scared and broken. She was the female version of you Derek. And being around you so much, made me want to fix her. As it turns out the only way I can fix her is to fix you as well. You're pretty damn connected."

Natalie looked at her brother's face, not sure what she was expecting to see but was taken back by the tears streaming down his face. "I never, ever meant to hurt her, to leave her broken. I never meant that."

Natalie leaned forward and gave her brother a quick kiss on his forehead. "I know you didn't. You love her."

"Did she tell you about Chris?" Natalie could hear the disgust in his voice at the name.

"She did, and that wasn't your fault."

"I should have been there." Derek said, disgust still in his voice.

"You should have. But you're an ass who wasn't. Be there this time." Natalie said with a shrug. "She said you kissed her."

"I shouldn't have."

"Yes you should have. She smiled, Derek. The whole time she was talking to me she was in tears. Hell, the whole time I've known her I don't think I've seen her smile. At least not like that. The kiss made her smile."

"It did?" And the thought of that made Derek smile. "She's it for me, Nat. I'm just . . .scared."

"I know. So is she. Take your time. Just remember you love each other."

With that Derek smiled again, and got out of the chair and gave his sister a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Nat. For knowing what I need."

"Don't mess it up, I'm not bailing you out this time." Natalie said with a laugh watching her little brother walk towards the door. It was the Derek walk she had grown up watching. Maybe still a little shaky around the edges, but better than she had seen in the last two years.

As he reached the door he paused and looked back at her. "How did you know it was her? How did you know it was my Meredith?"

"She got misty eyed anytime we heard a song by The Clash. She had a very strong dislike of ferry boats. And the first time I said the name Derek a sparkle came to her eyes that quickly faded to a frighteningly level of sadness. I know the signs of a woman who's had her heart broken by my baby brother. Besides, I checked her file, which I must say included a glowing review from a certain Dr. Shepherd."

"She's a great surgeon." Derek said smiling. "I never meant to break her heart."

"I know you didn't. Now go tell her."

Derek laughed and left the office.

**First off, yes, someone did guess right. Natalie set them up knowing that they had a history. How wonderfully conniving and evil of her? But really, they needed someone to meddle in a good and positive way. And Natalie just wants to see them both happy and they make each other happy. So she was doing what needed to be done. But it explains why she left out vital information about each of them.**

**I liked this chapter. It was cute. And there I go complimenting myself again.**

**I plan to update tomorrow night. Possibly two chapters, because I think the first one is going to be shortish as it's a lot of thoughts and not a lot of talking. Though it might end up lengthy. I'll have to see. Number of update will depend on how long the first one is.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	10. When the Day is Long

**Disclaimer: I am watching The Emperor's Club so I do not have the concentration to come up with anything funny. Not to mention I have a math test tomorrow. And GA is on tomorrow. So yes, my brain is busy. But I can still manage an update as I have it planned out.**

**Okay, glad everyone liked that chapter. It might sound bad but I must say this, but I do love hearing the praise. Keep it coming. I won't hold updates over your head to get it, but I do like the reviews.**

**This one should be fun, shortish but fun, as long as it goes how I hope it should be good. **

**Enjoy.**

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"She's not picking up," Derek said to his friend Patrick in frustration, around lunch time two days after the coffee date, that hadn't been a date at all. But they had kissed. That may have made it a date. Derek wasn't sure.

"Of course not. Derek give her some time." Patrick said, shaking his head.

"Time?" Derek said, giving his childhood friend a perplexed look.

"Yes Derek. Time. From what you've said, she needs it." Patrick said kind of laughing.

Derek looked determinedly at the phone in his hand. "She'll run, I know here, she'll run. I can't, I can't give her time. I made that mistake before."

Patrick just looked at his friend. He was hopeless.

"He won't stop calling," Meredith complained to Natalie, looking at the phone vibrating in her hand.

"Did you expect anything less?" Natalie said laughing.

"Yes. No. I don't know. This is confusing," Meredith answered giving her friend an exasperated look.

"I know," Natalie said.

"I don't know what to do, Nat. I really, I just don't." Meredith said, banging her head gently against Natalie's shoulder.

"Tell him that," Nat said, laughing and gesturing to the phone that was ringing again in Meredith's hands.

"No. I can't talk to him. He'll get all McDreamy and I can't . . .I can't."

"McDreamy?" Nat asked her, looking far beyond confused.

"Long story."

"Damn it," Derek yelled, kicking the wall as Meredith's answering machine picked up her phone again.

"Dude, stop stalking her," Patrick said, watching his friend run his fingers through his hair.

"I need to talk to her, I need to make sure she's okay. Hell, I need her." Derek said, turning around and sliding his back down the wall as he made a spot for himself on the floor. Seemingly Meredith was like an addiction. He had gone 2 years without her, and had managed just fine. One night with her and all he needed was more. More time. More talking. More kissing. More Meredith.

"And she needs space." Patrick said.

"Space is what got us in this mess in the first place." Derek said, laughing bitterly.

"Why won't he leave me alone?" Meredith demanded, throwing her phone on her couch as she arrived home.

"Because he loves you." Natalie said shrugging.

"Oh really? Because he has most definitely left me alone before when he supposedly loved me before." Meredith said, throwing her bag down after her phone.

Natalie gave her a look. Meredith knew this look, it was what she imagined must be the Shepherd look. Derek had given it to her times before, and so now had Nat. At least now she knew it was the same look. Not that she liked it much more now. She didn't like that look at all.

"Okay, I get it. I get what Derek did. I get it, damn it. It's just . . .he's just . . ." Meredith said, groaning with frustration. "And shouldn't you be with him, helping him with his stupidity?"

At this Natalie laughed. Really laughed. "I think I like you more."

"Right now, I can't say I blame you," Meredith said, looking down at the phone that was yet again ringing.

"I need to get out of here," Derek said, sighing and looking at the phone that had been in his hand all day.

"Sure, want to go fishing?" Patrick said, finally smiling at his friend, hoping to get his friend out in the open and off the phone. A man could only make so many phone calls in one day.

"No. Not fishing, I need to get out of here. Out of New York." Derek said, pacing up and down the hallway at his hospital.

"Dude, she needs some space, not a country. This is what got you in this mess in the first place, remember?" Patrick said.

"No. No. I messed up her life. So much. I need to fix things, I need to fix things for her." Derek said, stopping pacing and just staring at the floor at his feet.

"Derek, what are you talking about?"

"I need to fix things." And with no warning Derek started to jog down the hallway, knowing exactly what needed to be done.

"Derek, your patients?"

At that Derek stopped running and looked pensive for a second. Just a second. "Do me a favour? Tell the chief that I'll be back in a few days and to reschedule any surgeries. Just tell him . . .tell him I'm sorry."

And then Derek was running again.

"It stopped ringing," Meredith said staring at the now silent phone. It hadn't rang for fifteen minutes, she had spent the entire time staring at it. "Why? Why did it stop ringing?"

"He's probably in surgery or with a patient." Natalie said shrugging as she rifled through a medical magazine. She had given up long ago on talking to Meredith, who ceased normal conversation every time the phone rang. Which was constant. Natalie didn't know her brother had it in him to be so consistent.

"Right. Right. He's probably working. I mean, he wouldn't give up. Not after calling that often, he can't just give up. He's in surgery. He's the top neurosurgeon in the country now. And he's busy. He's saving someone's life. He'll call later. He will. I mean he has to right. I should answer it next time he calls. I should. Or maybe I should call him. Yes. Calling him would be good. I should take the step. I mean, I love him. He's my McDreamy. I should call him." Meredith rambled on, only stopping upon noticing the confused look on Nat's face. She grimaced. "Derek paces. And shuffles. I ramble. Sorry."

"It's okay, Mer, it really is. Just do what you think is right." Natalie said, trying to comfort her, and yet wanting to yell at her for not picking up earlier.

"I should call Cristina, she would know what to do. She always knows what to do."

"Mer, do you want my advice?" Meredith quietly nodded. "Call him. He's an ass. But he's your McDreamy."

"He is." Meredith agreed.

**Okay, that chapter may have been crap, but it was a lot of fun to write so I really don't mind if it was good or not. Lol. I had fun jumping back and forth between them.**

**And the cliffhangers . . .where is Derek going? Is Meredith going to call him? Hehehe.**

**I'm off to start the next chapter. However I probably won't get it done tonight, as I need to get to bed soonish. But I'll start it. And it should be posted tomorrow afternoon. Around 3ish. If not earlier.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	11. And the Night is Coming Down on You

**Disclaimer: Last night's episode was perfect. I can not pretend something that perfect is mine. I can not pretend I could write something that perfect. I can not pretend that I can improve upon perfection. So no GA sadly isn't mine.**

**I know I was supposed to update this yesterday afternoon, but a friend that lives out of down was visiting and we ran into each other so we caught up, went for lunch, found some other friends. Good times. And then I was going to update after GA . . .but well, I think that should be enough said. I keep watching a certain scene over and over again.**

**So damn happy. Can't even describe it. Ah.**

**So yes, updating now. This chapter has no Mer/Der interaction, which after last night's GA is slightly painful to do. But it's going to come to a good place next chapter. So hang in. And this chapter is shortish. But the next chapter will be long and lots of Mer/Der stuff. So it's all good.**

**Enjoy.**

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"Izzie, I don't know what happened," the voice over the phone said.

Izzie had been surprised to hear from Meredith. She didn't call since she moved to New York. Well she had, but always when she knew they'd be working, so she could just leave a message. Meredith had always been about the avoidance, nothing had changed. Izzie just wished Cristina wasn't in surgery at the moment. She's be able to knock some sense into Mer a lot better than she could.

"He's just clearing his head Mer. You both need to clear your head. It's going to be fine," Izzie said, knowing that it might not be. But her friend was flipping out. She needed to hear the positive stuff.

"He just stopped calling, and now he's not answering. Derek never not answers when it's me." Meredith said, sounding panicked.

"Well you did ignore his calls." Izzie pointed out.

"I really needed you to point that out."

Izzie laughed a little. "Why don't you stop by the hospital he works at? Find his office and refuse to leave till he talks to you."

"Tried that. He didn't show up for work today." Meredith said, her frustration evident even over the phone.

"I don't know what to say Mer. You and Derek will be fine. Your, well you're you and Derek."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Meredith said, her voice jumping through the phone.

"Nothing. Just that there's a reason none of us fought to hard to keep you here in Seattle. You and Derek need each other."

"Well he has a fine way of showing it, not answering his phone."

"After you spent the day not answering yours."

"That was different." Meredith said, soundig stubborn. Izzie really missed her. It wasn't the same without her in Seattle.

"Mer . . ." Izzie started but was interrupted by a knock on the door. "One second, someone's at the door."

Izzie walked over to the door phone in her hand.

"Meredith," Izzie said looking at the man on the other side, "I'm going to have to let you go. Ummm, I'll . . .someone will call you later." And she hung up, not waiting for Meredith's response.

Izzie slowly opened the door. He hadn't changed. His hair was slightly touched by grey a little more now, and the lines on his face seemed more defined. Something about his eyes had changed. And he looked angrier than she had ever seen him. But no he hadn't changed.

"What are you doing here? She's looking desperately for you." Izzie demanded the second their eyes met.

"Dr. Stevens," he greeted.

"Please Derek, you're not my boss anymore. Izzie works." Izzie said.

"Okay, Izzie, where is he? Where do I find him?" Derek spat the words out.

"Meredith told you about Chris?" Izzie said with a grimace. Meredith should have told her that part of the story. If she had mentioned that Izzie would have been willing to bet exactly where Derek was. And she would have been right.

"She did. Where is he?"

"Derek, I can't tell you that. Meredith didn't want any of us dealing with him, hurting him. She just wanted to leave." Izzie pleaded with him, half knowing it was going to be useless anyway.

"This isn't about what she wants. This is all about me."

Okay, Izzie was confused. "How?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

"He hurt my Meredith," Derek spat out again, emphasizing the my. "No bastard is about to hurt her without getting a message from me."

"Except for you, of course." Izzie didn't know where that comment came from. It sounded more like Cristina than it did her. And she liked Derek. She wanted him and Meredith to work things out. But he had hurt her. Izzie figured it was a legit statement.

Not that she didn't feel awful when she saw Derek's face fall.

"Except for me," he agreed in a pain voice and a sigh. "I'm the one that got Meredith into this big mess. I'm getting her out of it."

"By kicking some guy's ass?"

At that moment Alex walked in. Izzie and Derek were both to wrapped up in talking to hear the door open and he had gone unnoticed. "Who's ass are we kicking?" he asked catching the end of the conversation. And then he noticed Derek. "Shepherd, good to see you again." Alex said sounding slightly confused.

"You too, Karev. And Chris."

"The bastard that beat Meredith?" Alex asked, giving Izzie a quick kiss on the cheek and grabbing a muffin off the table.

"That's the one," Izzie said giving Derek a dirty look.

"I knew I could count on you man," Alex said smiling at Derek. "I'm in."

"Seriously?" Derek asked him. He didn't realize that Meredith and Karev has been that close.

"Seriously. But wait till O'Malley gets home. He's been wanting to lay it into him." Alex said.

"O'Malley?" Derek asked skeptically, obviously not certain of George's fighting skills.

"About a year ago George decided he needed to be tougher, so this moron taught him a thing or two." Izzie said exasperated. "You're all morons."

"And you love it babe." Alex responded.

Izzie rolled her eyes. And Derek laughed. He hadn't realized that Izzie and Alex had become a couple in the time he was gone. They worked well together. He wondered what else he had missed. With Izzie. And Alex. And Cristina. And George. And Meredith.

Mainly Meredith.

"Burke, we have to call Burke." Alex said, interrupting Derek's thoughts.

Derek nodded his head. "What about Joe?"

"Joe's gay, dude."

"I'm aware of that, Karev. Gay men can fight. And Joe's probably Meredith's second biggest fan."

"Who's her first?" Alex asked, looking slightly confused.

Derek just smiled.

"She won't be a big McDreamy fan after this stunt. She's not going to be happy at all. This is a bad idea guys. Meredith doesn't want you doing this, you know that." Izzie said, looking flustered and really wishing she had Cristina there to back her up. Actually, Cristina would probably be signing up for fight club as well.

"She's already not a big McDreamy fan as it is," Derek pointed out laughing at himself.

"Besides, what a girl thinks she wants and what she actually wants are two very different things. Your heads are messed up. Not even Shep here can fix them." Alex said, pointing to Derek.

"No Shep," Izzie responded, sounding bitter using the guys nickname for Derek, "only practices in messing up head. Meredith is just not going to be happy about this. Meredith won't be happy at all."

"That's what I'm working on," Derek said with a smile.

Alex groaned. Izzie smiled.

"Yang is going to be livid if we don't invite her," Alex suddenly realized.

"So we invite her. She can probably do more damage than any of us," Derek said with a laugh.

"What about Bailey?" Izzie asked sarcastically. "I'm sure she'd hate to be left out."

"Babe, Chris is all hers once he ends up in the hospital. She's much better at the yelling." Alex said with a smirk.

Derek laughed and headed over to the cupboard where the Muesli had always been kept. "It's good to be back in Seattle." He said, helping himself to a bowl.

Alex and Izzie exchanged raised eyebrows. What exactly was his plan?

**I'm not sure if I liked that chapter. Lol. I liked the idea, and there was humor in it, which I liked because it shouldn't have been funny. So it was. Lol. But writing wise, not sure if I'm love with it. If it's not the greatest, blame it on the kiss. Has my mind scrambled.**

**I don't think there's too much to say. Izzie and Alex are couple. Derek wants to kiss Chris's ass. And now he has the whole group helping him. Even though it's not what Meredith wants. But god, Chris deserves a butt kicking. Not that you'll see said butt kicking. But whatever.**

**I may post a chapter tomorrow. I'm having a party at my house to celebrate mine and some friend's bdays. So I have to clean a lot during the day, and then well party. I'll update if I have time but I'm not making promises. Will definitely update by Sunday though.**

**Read. Love. Review. **


	12. What A Lovely Day to Shape your Dreams

**Disclaimer: I'm still too in awe over the brilliance of the last episode to even want to pretend to own Grey's Anatomy. The brilliant Shonda does. And I'm not even worthy.**

**I know from reading reviews, A LOT of people want to see the fight. However, I'm not writing it. Mainly because I wouldn't be able to. It would sound lame. Trust me. So I'm skipping to another scene, back in New York, between Meredith and Derek. However, details will come out about the fight so you won't be left wondering how it went down.**

**Thanks for all the great feedback though!!**

**Enjoy!**

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"Where the hell have you been?" Meredith demanded of the man standing in her doorstep.

"Taking care of business," Derek said, shrugging and inviting himself into her apartment. It smelled live lavender and looked like Meredith. Well at least exactly where Meredith would live.

"I've been calling you all week." Meredith said, looking and sounding annoyed.

"You have been?" Derek asked, his face breaking into a wide smile and his eyes getting soft.

Realizing what she had just admitted Meredith cursed under her breath. Cursed herself and the McDreamy look he was giving her. "Oh, that look is not getting you out of trouble this time. Where have you been?"

"I was . . ."

But Meredith cuts him off after noticing the black and blue bruises that mark his knuckles. The last time she had seen bruises like that was after her first meeting with Mark. "What did you do to your hands?"

" . . .in Seattle." Derek said, finishing his prior sentence.

"In Seattle? Der, you didn't . . ." Meredith demanded looking angry.

"Meredith . . ." Derek started, reaching out to grab her hand.

But she pulled it away. "Why do you insist on being so stupid?" Meredith said, walking away from her and heading towards the kitchen to grab a drink out of the fridge. "Why can't you just . . ."

"Meredith . . ." Derek said cutting her off.

"No, you say Meredith and I yell. Remember?"

"Not this time," Derek said, gently grabbing her shoulders and guiding her towards a chair in the kitchen. "This time you're listening to me. I went to Seattle and I did some unsavory things to Chris. Because someone needed to Meredith. Someone needed to stand up for you. And I'm your McDreamy, like it or not, so that someone had to be me."

He wasn't yelling. His voice was soft and gentle. He had every reason to yell and yes he wasn't. Meredith felt tears well up in her eyes, but she blinked them away, willing herself to stay mad at him. "You didn't have to."

"Yes, Meredith, I did. For you and for me. I made so many mistakes in the past, and every single one of them ended up hurting you. I never meant to hurt you ever Mer. So I'm setting things right. If that takes me the rest of my life, fine. But I'm fixing things one by one. Chris was the first one." Derek said, yet again sounding calm as he crouched in front of her and rubbed her arms.

"It wasn't your fault Chris hurt me," Meredith tried to explain.

Derek nodded slowly. "Yes it was. If I hadn't walked away you wouldn't have been with Chris. You would have been with me, where you belong Mer."

"With you," Meredith said, a small smile tugging at her lips. "So that was reason enough to beat him up?"

"More than enough." Derek said with a small grin, as Meredith's hands wound themselves through his hair.

"I should be mad at you."

"You should." Derek said, smiling and nodding.

"You didn't have to do that. You didn't have to beat up Chris."

Derek scoffed. "I barely did anything. Just threw a few punches. Gave him a talking to. Alex did most of the damage. Cristina got a few good kicks when he was down."

Meredith pulled back abruptly. "One second Alex and Cristina was there?"

"And George and Joe."

"Seriously? Seriously Derek?" Derek just nodded. "I told them not to do anything. The swore they wouldn't do anything."

"I'm very persuasive." Derek said with an adorable eye brow wiggle. "Really, Mer, they just wanted to stick up for you too. Don't get mad at them."

Meredith just laughed and allowed Derek to pull her into his arms, where she rested comfortably for a couple of minutes, until she pulled away. She took his injured hand and gently rubbed his bruised knuckles. "Thank you," she whispered.

"I was just protecting what's always been mine." Derek said, looking into her eyes.

"What does this mean, Der?" Meredith asked, rubbing his knuckles.

"It means you can go back to Seattle, your home, your friends, your mom, whenever you want. Chris won't bother you anymore." Derek said, running his other hand through her hair.

"I . . . I can . . .I can go back to Seattle." Meredith said, her eyes filling with tears.

Derek quickly realized what he had said and pulled Meredith towards him, resting his forehead on hers. "We can go back to Seattle whenever we want."

Meredith looked into his eyes and started to lean forward. Just as their lips were about to meet, she pulled away.

"You have got to stop pulling away," Derek said laughing. His laughter died when he saw the serious look on Meredith's face. "What is it, Mer?"

"I . . .I love you. I've never been able to stop loving you." She said, in a rushed voice.

"I love you too. I love you so much." Derek said walking towards her.

But she put her hand up to stop him. "I love you but I need time. Derek, you walked away, really really walked away. And it's been two years in which you never came back. And I understand that you were scared, I do understand that. But that didn't stop it from hurting. And then Chris happened. And it's been bad Derek. I think I need some time. Space. I need to get my head together before being with you again." Tears were running down her face by the time she had finished her speech.

Derek pushed past Meredith's hand and pulled her towards him, wiping a tear off her cheek. "I understand, Mer. Take your time. Take whatever time you need."

"Seriously?" Meredith asked, looking at Derek in shock.

"Seriously. Just no running off to another city. One of us already made that mistake, I'm not about to let you make it." Derek said laughing. "And we're staying in touch. No more of this going two years without talking. I'll call you Mer, or text message you, whatever. Whatever you prefer."

"Call . . .call me," Meredith responded with a wobbly smile.

"Good. And now I'm going to go before I do something one of us will regret. Something that doesn't involve clothing. So I'm leaving. I'll call you." Derek said, walking towards the door, Meredith following closely behind.

"Call. Definitely call."

Derek smiled at her and cupped her cheek in his hand. "I will call. I'm not loosing you again, Mer. I'll call."

"Good," Meredith said with a small smile.

"I love you," Derek said.  
"I love you too." Meredith said.

He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss goodbye and quickly turned the corner and out of her apartment. But he'd be back.

**There an update. And I'm a fan of this update. I really am. Cute chapter if I do say so myself. And no all that much to say about it. Derek's home and Meredith wanted to be mad about him beating up Chris but really she was happy to have him do that for her. But she's terrified because everything in her life is coming together and that's scary to someone like her. Especially after all the problems she's had. So she needs space. Sounds familiar doesn't it? Now you have to see if she takes more time and space than Derek did on the show. Hehehe.**

**I might be updating again later tonight, we'll see. If not tonight there will definitely be on tomorrow night when I get home from work. But I'm aiming for tonight. I really am. **

**Read. Review. Love.**


	13. I Won't Forget the Love You Made

**Disclaimer: I have never had a bathtub in my fanfics. I would have never thought to put a bathtub in my fanfics. Because I have never had sex in a tub. Shower. Bed. Stairs. And a few more interesting places I won't share. But never a tub. (Don't worry I will now, lol).**

**So this chapter is going to be a little porny. Well maybe very porny. But I'm making no apologies. Because of the upcoming bathtub scene. It has made my mind go in to all these delisiously dirty places. So you have to deal with the dirty places it has gone.**

**But it won't be too porny, nothing we haven't seen on Grey's. So if you don't have an issue with the sex on GA, this chapter shouldn't be too much for you. **

**Enjoy. Hehehe.**

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The door of the scrub room opened behind her. Meredith didn't bother to turn around and see who it was. She knew who it was. She had known for a month who it would be, so there was no point of looking now.

"Why hello Dr. Grey," the new person in the room said. "Will you be scrubbing in with me this morning?"

"Yes, I am, Dr. Shepherd. Of course you knew that. And have known it for nearly a month now." Meredith said, grimacing at him.

"Still, its fun, isn't it? Scrubbing in together again?" Derek said, coming up behind her to tie on her surgery cap for her.

"Yes it is." Meredith said with a smile that he couldn't see.

Derek walked over to the sink and washed his hands, in silence. Meredith just stood and looked at him. She had forgotten how good he looked in scrubs. Damn him. "So how's the space thing working out for you?" he asked with a laugh.

"It would be working a lot better if a certain someone would stop calling so often." Meredith said with a small laugh.

"I could see how that could be a problem." Derek said, as she tied his scrub cap around his head, his hair tickling her fingers and sending cold chills down her spine. Damn him.

"Yes, it is a problem, Dr. Shepherd," she said, as a scrub nurse joined them in the scrub room.

"You know you could always hang up."

"I could."

"But you don't."

"What can I say, Dr. Shepherd? I'm a glutton for punishment," Meredith joked, throwing up her shoulders in defeat.

The nurse left that room.

"I'm not even touching that one, Dr. Grey," Derek said with a laugh as he walked by her. He walked in front of her, on his way to the door, and quickly pressed his forehead against hers, the closest they could get to a kiss with all their equipment on. And then he left the room and entered the OR.

"Good morning. It's a beautiful day to save lives, let's have some fun." Meredith heard, as she shakily walked towards the OR, hoping her heart rate would return back to normal.

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Derek's eyes caught Meredith's as he operated on his patient's brain. He had always loved operating with Meredith. Because she was so good at what she did. And she was a calming presence for him to have around. And he loved her. And it always gave him a chance to show off his mad skills at cutting.

He had forgotten how beautiful she looked.

It might seem impossible, what with the surgery cap covering her hair, and the mask covering her face and addictive smile. Even the robes covered her body. But something about just seeing her eyes reached out to him. Turned him on and made it hard to concentrate on the activity at hand.

Which wasn't good when the activity at hand, happened to be brain surgery.

Damn her.

"Dr. Shepherd?" her voice questioned, forcing him out of his thoughts. "Are you okay?"

Derek cleared his throat, grateful that the robes also covered his body and the evidence that he indeed was not okay. "I'm fine, Dr. Grey." And then he gestured with his head for her to come closer.

Clearly he was also a glutton for punishment.

Lavender. She stood beside him and filled his nostrils with lavender. She was beyond sterilized, as was he. All he should be able to smell was that smell of hospital, the stench. But he smelled lavender. He knew it was probably in his head. But it sent warm waves through his body. Damn her.

The surgery done, he told the intern to close up and looked at Meredith. But she was too good at reading him. Panic filled her eyes and she darted out of the room.

Ripping of his mask, he ran after her.

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"Derek, this is the woman's washroom." Meredith yelled at him the second he stepped in behind her.

"No one is in here," Derek pointed out, looking quickly under each stall.

"I'm in here," Meredith complained.

"Exactly," Derek said, a glint in his eyes that was far too sexy. "I'll ask again, how's the space thing working out for you?"

"Fine, just fine," Meredith said. But she couldn't meet his eyes and her voice didn't sound very convincing.

Derek crossed the room so quickly Meredith didn't have time to register. And then she was in his arms, so close she felt every inch of him. "Really, you like space?" he said with a confident smirk on his face, but his voice was husky.

"I . . .I . . .I hate space." Meredith said, surprised to find her own voice matching hers in huskiness. "I think I'm done with space."

"Perfect," Derek whispered.

And then his lips were on hers. Hard. Desperate. Passionate. It took her breath away but she didn't mind. Sometimes certain things were far more important than breathing. Their lips mashed together with a bruising force, caught up in a kiss that was years in the making. Hot breath flowed between them as their teeth jammed together, their tongues searching for the familiar taste and feel. His tongue gently swept the roof oh her mouth, sending a shiver down her spine. Her tongue tangled with his as she pulled it farther into her mouth, gently sucking on it in a way that had always made him gasp. Her hands were on his chest gripping onto his scrub shirt but as the kiss grew more passionate she raised them up his hair, where she gently pulled the curls, loving the familiar tickle on her fingers. As their lips grew more desperate, Derek hands fell down her back and rested on her bottom as he pulled her closer, exposing her lower stomach to his arousal, making it clear how badly he wanted her. Taking her turn to explore his mouth with her tongue, glazing it gently over her teeth, she wrapped her legs around him, letting him lift her.

The two stumbled over to the counter, completely caught up in each other, the smells and touches and tastes they had missed far too long. Resting her on the counter, Derek ripped his lips from hers and moved on to gently kissing her neck. His lips found the spot right where her neck, jaw and ears all met, and she moaned his name in pleasure. As he traveled soft passionate kisses along her neck her hands wrapped around him and found the bottom of his shirt and quickly pulled it over his head. She ran her hands over Derek's naked torso, loving the delicious feel of hair under her fingers and yearning desperately to be closer to him.

"Derek." The name came out as a breath, barely above a whisper and yet it was filled with need and yearning.

He pulled her shirt above her head at the same time as breathing out her own name, desperate to have her closer, desperate to be in her, but at the same time wanting to take it slow, the enjoy every moment. Shivers ran down his back as he felt her nails rake it. Her breath sounding ragged and it made his own shaky in response.

"Please," she said, her hand reaching for the draw string of his pants.

Letting his pants fall to the ground he pulled her close to him, "I love you" he whispered as his lips met hers again, gently this time, lovingly.

"I love you too," she said back, letting her finger play with the waistband of his boxers. Her hand grazed the front.

Derek let out a small groan. "Please, Mer."

Meredith laughed and started pulling his boxers down as his fingers fumbled with the draw string on her pants.

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"I can't believe we just had sex in a public washroom," Meredith said quite a bit later, picking her shirt out of the sink it had been thrown into.

"I must say, this is a first for me," Derek said looking around.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, McDreamy. Don't think you should get used to this." Meredith said, fighting to get her pants back on, and giving Derek a glare. He still stood, leaning against the counter, wearing only his boxers. No man should look that good standing in a lady's washroom.

"Getting used to what? Sex in the ladies washroom, or being with you again?" Derek said with a small laugh.

"Both. That was a mistake. I . . .I . . .I haven't had sex in a while because of Chris and you. And I needed relief. That's all it was. Relief. Just sex, Derek."

Derek smirked some more. "Just sex?"

"Yes." Meredith replied quickly.

"Mer, why are you even trying to lie to me? I'm me. You can't lie to me. That was a hell of a lot more than just sex and we both know it." Derek said, still smirking. Meredith would smack that smirk off his face if he didn't look so damn appealing.

"Shut up. I don't like you right now."

Derek laughed again and shook his head. "No, you love me."

Meredith just rolled her eyes in his direction. But she was smiling. And then her pager went off. "Crap. I have to go."

She was about to walk out the door but on impulse she walked back and gave him a quick kiss. "By the way, when I told you to call me, I didn't mean every day."

"You didn't?" Derek said, with a fake confused look on his face.

Meredith walked out the door and then popped her head back in. "But you better call me tonight," she said with a smile.

She left and Derek started gathering his clothes with a smile on his face.

**That chapter spoke for itself, didn't it? I have nothing to say. Nothing. But really, I do blame that on the bathtub.**

**And oh yeah . . .this was supposed to be 20 chapters, but upon things, I've decided it's only going to be 15. Mainly because I was going to drag out the waiting a little bit but decided not to. Just didn't fit right with stuff, so it's been slightly shortened.**

**Really, bathtub's fault.**

**Oh and please note my disclaimer at the beginning . . .about how I never wrote about a bathtub because I had never had sex in a bathtub. And then I made them have sex in a public washroom. Yes it means what you think, but mine wasn't nearly that hot. At all.**

**Anyway . . .**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	14. It Can Feel so Real

**Disclaimer: Seriously, guys I know you love my disclaimers just as much as you love my stories, but I have written so many that right now, in this moment, I can't think of any funny ones. So all I can say is . . .Grey's Anatomy isn't mine.**

**Upon so many complaints about my shortening of the fic, it's back to being 20 chapters. So I hope you're all happy. It means my other brilliant new fic will start a little later, but oh well. You are all enjoying this so I can give it time. And Season 3 is very close to being updated . . .unless something comes up the new chapter will be up hopefully by tomorrow night. So yay for that.**

**This chapter is another one with no Meredith and Derek interaction. Because well after hot bathroom sex they must have some time to think, to get their heads together. And talk to the wonderful Natalie. So yeah, but this is my last chapter with no interaction between them so don't complain. Things are getting good.**

**And oh yeah, I hate People magazine. How can Patrick not be the sexiest man alive?? How???**

**Enjoy.**

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"Derek, what the hell happened to you?" Natalie said, watching her brother storm into the office early in the morning. "And what are you doing here?"

"Had to come check on the patient I operated on yesterday," Derek said, running his fingers through his hair. He looked stressed. He looked like he hadn't slept the night before. He looked awful.

"Okay. And what the hell happened?" Natalie said, laughing. Her brother was a drama queen when he wanted to be. She was sure it was nothing.

"Bathroom sex happened." Derek said, sitting down in the chair Meredith always spent her lunch hours in.

"Bathroom sex? Meredith?" Natalie said. She was still laughing.

"Of course Meredith. She scrubbed in with me yesterday and well, after, yeah, bathroom sex." Derek said, shaking his head.

"Okay, I'm missing something. You love her. She loves you. And you had what I can only imagine was hot sex in a washroom of all place. Where's the issue?" Natalie was still laughing.

"She told me to call last night. I did. She didn't answer. All night, the phone just kept ringing, she wouldn't answer." Derek said, running his fingers through his hair yet again.

"Oh Derbear, is that all?" Natalie said, looking sympathetic.

Derek jumped out of the chair and started pacing around her office, making Natalie smile thinking about what Meredith had said about Derek pacing and her rambling. "Is that all?" he demanded, "She won't answer the phone. The woman I love finally slept with me and now she's not answering her phone."

"Derek, she's just flipping out. Give her time." Natalie said calmly.

"Time? I gave her two years." Derek said.

"And then you slept with her last night. She's freaking out right now. Give her time to gather her thoughts and I'm sure she'll call you back by the end of the day."

"Why the hell is she freaking out? We've slept together before," Derek said.

"So I'd assume from the stories Meredith told me before she knew you were my brother. But Derek, it wasn't just sex last night and you both know it," Natalie said, calmly, walking around to lean on the front of her desk.

"It was never just sex," Derek said, coming to lean beside her.

"But last night was different, wasn't it?" Natalie asked.

Derek looked down at his feet, but he nodded.

"I remember the day I knew that I was done. It terrified me. I don't think I talk to your brother in law for a week after that realization. My life was going one way, and then all of a sudden, bam, and everything was different. It terrified me. And that was in a normal relationship. After everything you and Mer have been through, she's allowed to be scared." Natalie explained.

"But she already faced the fact I was it. We were past that."

"And then you broke her. And then Chris broke her some more. She has to go through it again. But she'll call." Natalie said confidently.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because she loves you."

"Hmmm . . ." Derek said nodding and smiling a little. His sister had managed to make him feel marginally better. "Why am I not freaking out?"

"Because you've known all along that she was it."

At that Derek beams, Natalie was right. Even when he had been trying to make things work with Addison, he had known that Meredith was the one.

Derek sighed. "I think I'm going to go . . . collect my thoughts or something. Relax." Derek said, starting to walk towards the door.

"Give me your cell phone," Natalie said, holding out her hand.

"My cell phone?" Derek asked looking confused.

"You and I both know if you have it you'll keep calling her, and she doesn't need that. So give me the cell," Natalie explained. Derek opened his mouth to protest but Natalie cut him off. "Keep your pager on, if she calls I promise to page you."

Derek nodded his head slowly and handed to cell over. And then he was out the door.

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"I hate him. I really truly hate him," Meredith said, barreling into the office a few hours later.

"I heard about the hot sex in the washroom," Natalie said laughing at her friend. She remembered before Meredith moved to New York, when life was simpler. Now she had Meredith and Derek popping in an out of her office all the time, just to complain about the other.

"Sex in the washroom. Not hot sex, just sex. It was not hot. One cannot have hot sex with an idiot, " Meredith said sitting down in her and Derek's chair. They had a chair. Natalie had to remember to start locking her office door.

"What did the idiot do this time?" Natalie asked with a laugh.

"The usual. With the calling over and over and over again, and just when I've worked up the courage to talk to him, he stops. Just stops," Meredith said.

"Oh, Mer, that's my fault, not his," Natalie apologized.

"How is it your fault?"

"I was thinking you might need some time to figure things out so I took the phone away from him. I didn't think him calling over and over would be help helpful, for either of you," Natalie explained.

"Oh, do you think I should take more time?" Meredith asked, sounding very unsure.

"No, Meredith. You take however much time you need. Do what you want, when you want to. I support you whatever you choose."

"I don't even know what I wanted to say to him. I told him I needed space and spend a month missing him, and then well washroom sex," Meredith said shrugging.

"He's Derek, say whatever comes to mind, whatever you want to say," Natalie offered.

"Maybe I should just forget this whole thing. It's too complicated,"

"Isn't that what you spent the last two years trying to do?"

Meredith gave her a deathly glare, "He hurt me."

"I know. But when you love someone you're bound to hurt them eventually, in some way. It's part of loving," Natalie said, sitting down beside Meredith and placing a calming hand on her shoulder.

"I do. I do love him." Meredith said in a quiet voice.

"Than you have a question to ask yourself. What scares you more? The idea of spending the rest of your life without him? Or spending your life with him? And figure out if it's worth facing." Natalie asked.

"Derek's worth facing," Meredith answered, wiping a tear from her eye.

"I thought so. He freaked when you didn't answer your phone." Natalie said with a laugh.

"Serves him right," Meredith said, smiling back.

"Meredith, you know how he hurt you? How he broke you?" Meredith nodded her head. "You've broke him once, and you have the power to do it again. You're the only woman that has ever had that power over him. Don't use it. Don't break him again. He deserves the best Mer, and I think you know that."

"Ahhh, there's the big sister speech I was waiting for, and I won't. I won't hurt him again. I didn't mean to in the first place," Meredith explained.

"I know you didn't, just don't do it again," Natalie said with a laugh.

Meredith laughed as well. And then she cleared her throat. "So, uhh, where is he?" she asked, sounding slightly nervous.

"He went somewhere to clear his head and relax. I can page him . . .I told him I would."

Meredith shook her head no. "In Seattle that would have been a ferry boat. I don't know about New York."

Natalie thought for a second. He hadn't left the hospital, he needed to be nearby for his patient. That only left one place. "He's on the roof. When our dad died he somehow found the roof and he's been using it as his place ever since."

"Your dad is dead? I . . .I didn't know," Meredith said.

"It's okay, you have plenty of time to find those things out," Natalie reasoned. "But yes, the roof."

"I'm going to go. I'm going to go talk to him."

"Good. Good luck, Mer."

"Thanks, thanks for everything," Meredith said, giving Natalie a quick hug.

"No problem. I'm going to like having you for a sister-in-law." Natalie said with a laugh. Meredith gave her a panicked look and headed out the door. Natalie just laughed more, knowing that everything would be fine for Meredith and Derek. And that one day, she would be her sister-in law.

**Okay, I know a lot didn't actually "happen" in this chapter, but stuff happened. If that makes any sense. Lol. They both had to talk to Nat, to get to a point where they felt comfortable going forward together as a couple. So even though it was small stuff, it was important stuff. I hope that was clear.**

**I'll update tomorrow for sure. Meredith and Derek. On the roof. And no they won't be having sex. We like the sex, but sometimes other stuff is more important. Like talking.**

**So yes . . .**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	15. All I Can Do is Love you to Pieces

**Disclaimer: Was Alicia on Oprah today? No. So seemingly Alicia does not own Grey's Anatomy. Shonda does. Alicia is mad at Shonda though for being a spoiler nazi about a spoiler she already told us. Alicia wonders what is wrong with that woman but loves her anyway.**

**Lol, okay done with the third person stuff. **

**Umm, I don't have much to say. This is the chapter on the roof. Of course you know that. And it was supposed to be the last one. However, you begged. And I've had so much begging for me to continue fanfics in the past and I've always ignored it. So for once, I'm giving in. Early Christmas present. So there are 5 more chapters. Of happiness. Sheesh. Fans.**

**Okay . . . enjoy.**

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Opening the door to the roof, Meredith found him standing near the edge, his hands in his pockets, calmly surveying the city below. The scenery wasn't nearly as beautiful as Seattle, but it was something. And to Meredith it didn't matter, the man looked the same. Breathtaking. Natalie's comment about being a sister-in-law echoed through her head. It had freaked her, shook her to her core. But she did want to spend the rest of her life with him. And she wondered if she'd always find him so breathtaking.

She figured she would.

"Hey," she said gently. Loud enough for him to hear but not loud enough to startle him.

Derek recognized to voice immediately. He hadn't expected to hear it but he recognized. He turned around and greeted Meredith with a smile.

"You tell me to call and then you don't answer your phone," Derek said as she walked towards him.

"I tell you to call and I don't answer my phone," Meredith said with a smile. "Of course, it's your fault."

"It's my fault you didn't answer the phone?" Derek said, looking confused.

"Yes. Just as I decided to answer it, you stopped calling. Your fault," Meredith explains.

Derek laughed at her logic and took a deep breath. Meredith seemed to be okay. It made him feel good. She wasn't freaking out, she was okay. They'd be okay. So he stood in silence beside her, happy to be in her presence. Happy to wait till she was ready to talk again.

"We had sex in a public washroom," she said, breaking the silence.

"That we did. That was new, even for us," Derek responded, laughing.

This was good, this was comfortable, Meredith thought to herself. And then she caught herself, of course it would be. It was Derek. Her Derek. They had made their relationship into one big tangled mess. But things between them had never been anything less than completely comfortable. For that she was grateful.

She slipped his small hand into his. "So you do have a plan right? For us, I mean."

"Yes, I do have a plan. Well I have a plan if you're interested. If you're not, well then, no plan. At least not for me," Derek asked, sounding strangely unconfident. Meredith wasn't used that sound of his voice, he was always so sure of himself. It was a different Derek now.

She loved him anyway.

"Well . . ." Meredith started slowly, squeezing Derek's hand. "It depends on what the plan is."

Derek looked at her and smiled. They would be fine. "I've already talked to Webber, he's cleared me to stay here in New York for your remaining months. And when you're done here, we'll move back to Seattle, together. Your job is waiting and he will create an opening for me."

"Must be nice to be the number one neurosurgeon," Meredith said with a small giggle.

Derek smiled sadly. "It means nothing if I don't have you, Mer. But as I said, this is up to you. I want us to be in Seattle together but if that's not what you want . . . I'm the one that walked away, you're the one that has to decide if I'm worth the shot again."

Meredith looked at their hands linked together. She liked his plan, she did. But she was terrified. "I'm scared, Derek," she told him in a quiet voice.

"So am I," he whispered back. She knew he wasn't just referring to whether he got a second chance. She knew Derek. He was terrified of what either outcome could mean for the future.

"You hurt me so badly Derek," Meredith started. Derek took a breath and went to say something, but she cut him off. "No, Derek, you hurt me. There's nothing you can say besides sorry and you've already said that. But the thing is, hurting someone is part of loving them. We'll hurt each other again. We will. But you can't make assumptions, you can't assume you know what's best for me. You can't walk away again. This time I won't let you hurt me like that again, no more of that, Derek. We communicate this time. This time we're a team, a real team. Not just sex, this time it has to be real."

"This time . . . Meredith . . ." Derek started but she cut him off again.

"Yes. Yes, I'm saying yes to your plan," Meredith said, wiping a tear off her cheek. "Not because I want to, I wish I could walk away. I wish I didn't need you, I don't want to need you. But Derek, you're it for me. I'm terrified of what could happen this time, but I'm more terrified of living my life without you."

"I know, I know Mer," Derek said, pulling on her hand until she was against him and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as buried his face in her lavender scented hair. "You're the one I can't live without. I tried, and I can't."

Meredith pulled back a little, not away, just far enough to be able to look into Derek's eyes. "What would have happened if I had never come here? If I hadn't met Natalie?"

"Fate would have happened. We would have ended up at a conference together, and then in bed. Or Webber would have dragged me out for a consult. Fate would have taken care of us," Derek answered, sounding a lot more confident than he had when she first reached the roof.

Meredith pulled him closer again and buried her face against his neck. "I don't think people are supposed to love each other this much," she whispered, her breath tickling his neck as she talked.

"I think they are. But usually people aren't as lucky as we have been," Derek responded.

"We're lucky?" Meredith asked, looking perplexed.

"Right now, we're very lucky." Derek said. "Now let's go home, so we can both get more lucky," he finished with a laugh.

Meredith laughed. It felt good to laugh with Derek again. "Yes, let's go home." Meredith said, pulling out of his arms and grabbing his hand to start walking toward the door.

"I think I should contact a contractor, start building a house on my land now, so it's ready when we get home in 7 months." Derek started planning. "I never sold my land."

"I know." Derek gave her a confused look. "When you need to think you use ferryboats and rooftops. I used your land and trailer." Meredith finished with a shrug.

"Seriously?"

"It was our place, so I made it my place after you left."

Derek just smiled at her and let go of her hand, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her close as they walked off the roof together.

"By the way, I never knew about your thing for roofs. Is it as intense as ferryboats?"

Derek just shook his head. "There's a lot you don't know," he said with a laugh.

"And I have a lot of time to find out," Meredith said with a smile.

"That you do, Dr. Grey," Derek said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

They were going to be okay.

**How cute was that? Really cute. I don't think there's anything I have to say about it. I know realistically a position can't be created for Derek but it worked for the story. And he basically created one for Addie, so why not Derek?**

**Next chapter is going to be . . . actually I'm not telling. It will be all Mer/Der and it will be happy. That's all you need to know. It will be posted either tonight, or more likely tomorrow night.**

**Read. Love. Review. **


	16. Have A Happy Face

**Disclaimer: Today's my birthday (the 20th). If I owned Grey's Anatomy I'd be out getting hammered with the beautiful cast, namely Paddy. Instead I'm updating a fanfic and listening to Bon Jovi. Okay as I wrote that the song changed, now I'm listening to Justin Timberlake (who I LOVE).**

**So this is when this fanfic changes. It was angsty and sad and all that other stuff. But now they had their reunion. They're together. So no more angst. Happy fanfic now. But I'm hoping to hold on to the same feeling. So yeah. This chapter takes place quite a bit later, about 7 months later, during their last week in New York before they head home to Seattle.**

**Okay, so ummm . . .**

**Enjoy!! (btw today I'm 22 in case anyone was wondering)**

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"Sam called me this morning," Derek said as him and Meredith strolled through Central Park hand in hand.

"And what did Sam have to say?" Meredith asked smiling at her boyfriend.

"The house is ready for us," Derek stated, beaming.

Meredith's eyes grew wide with excitement. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Meredith just giggled in response as Derek wrapped her in his arms, and picked her up, swinging her around in celebration.

"We have a house," she said upon finding her feet back firmly on the ground.

"We have a house," Derek said nodding and squeezing her hand. "I called George after I got off the phone with Sam. We arrive back Friday. Saturday everyone is taking the day off and we'll all meet up at the storage unit where all our furniture is and spend the day moving us in."

"Sounds perfect . . .where are you planning on spending the first night?" Meredith questioned him, a worried look on her face.

Derek's eyes went back and forth, looking worried that someone might be spying, and then he ducked his head down, lowering his mouth so it was close to Mer's ear. "That's a secret," he whispered.

Meredith laughed and hit her boyfriend, as he ducked out of the way, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

They had less than a week left in New York and Meredith couldn't help but think about that day seven months ago on the roof when they had decided to start all over again. Since that night they hadn't spent one apart. Bouncing between her and his place, they were always together. When one was on call and the other wasn't they'd crash in on call rooms together. The only nights apart were nights both spent on call, but as Derek could basically pick his own hours that had happened very few times. Meredith couldn't remember a time when she didn't wake up beside him. She never wanted to again.

And now they had a house.

"Mer? Where did you go?" Derek asked her, upon noticing the far away look she had gotten in her eyes.

She looked into his eyes and smiled. "Right here, I just . . .I can't believe it's been seven months."

"And we're getting a house. And eventually we're going to get married. Soonish," Derek declared giving her a small hand squeeze.

"Seriously?" Meredith asked smiling. Seven months ago the idea of marrying Derek had made her happy, but in a completely uncomfortable squeamish way. Now it just made her happy. Derek was her everything. Marriage had always seemed to her like something she didn't need or want, something that would just make a mess of everything. With Derek marriage just felt right.

"My family will kill me if I don't marry you," Derek said with a laugh, swinging his and Meredith's joined hands back and forth.

"Are we still on with Nat and the boys today?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah . . .umm . . .about that . . ." Derek stumbled over his words while concentrating on a rock at his feet.

"Derek, what did you do?"

"I did nothing, why do you always think it's me that did something?" Derek feigned insult, hoping that it would make Meredith forget completely what they had been talking about.

"Because nine out of ten times it is your fault," Meredith giggled. And then she gave him that look. Over the last seven months she had perfected the look and it slightly terrified him. "What is it this time?"

His plan hadn't worked. Not that he had really expected it to. "Well Rachel is busy the rest of the week so tonight is her only night to say goodbye to us. So Nat invited her family as well."

Meredith nodded, she was okay with that.

"And then Nancy heard. And you know how she is, she didn't want to be left out, so she got an invite out of Nat."

Nancy was still Meredith's least favourite sister but she could accept that, so she nodded.

"After that it just seemed rude to leave Katie out. And mom of course."

Meredith just shrugged. "Derek, I like your family. I was looking forward to a night just with Nat, but I can handle the rest of them." And the she noticed the look on Derek's face. "What am I missing?"

"Mom told Aunt Susan, who told Uncle Sean and well, I think you get the idea," Derek trailed off, noticing the less than pleased look on Meredith's face.

"How many people Derek?" she demanded to know.

"I don't know. It's just family, Mer. That's all. My sisters and the nieces and nephews. And a couple of aunts and uncle. You know them all."

"Derek!" Meredith yelled, "I didn't want a going away party!"

Derek stopped walking and pulled her around to look at him. "Mer, I know. I didn't want either. But this just kind of came together. There wasn't much I could do about it."

"We don't have to go," Meredith said pouting.

"And leave without saying goodbye to the majority of my family?" Derek asked, giving her a skeptical look.

Meredith sighed in frustration. She loved Derek's family. She didn't think she did families at all, but something about Derek's was just so warm and inviting. She always felt like one of them. Meredith had never had that. She had never had a family. And now she did. They had accepted her immediately. Even Nancy, his oldest and most protective sister had eventually warmed up to her. She loved spending time with them all. Especially the children, she loved the children. But that didn't mean she wanted to spend a night with all of them.

"Derek, I wanted a quiet night to say goodbye to Nat," Meredith explained.

"I know you did. I told Nat we're going to take them out for supper Wednesday night so you have a nice quiet time together then. Is that okay?"

"Yes, thanks Der," Meredith said, resting her head on his shoulder as his arm snaked around her back and they started walking again, in perfect sync with each other.

"Anything for you, Mer."

Meredith smiled. "And then dinner with just your mom Thursday night?"

Derek just nodded and even though Meredith wasn't looking at him she could feel the movement of his head against her own.

The two walked for a few moments together in silence. It was an unusually warm and sunny November day in New York. They had the month off to prepare for their move, everyone at their jobs already having said goodbye to them. And now they had nothing to do, besides enjoy each other. So they lazed in bed all morning and spent the afternoons shopping, walking, sight seeing, whatever they felt like. Today was a perfect day for walking.

"I'm going to miss it here," Meredith said quietly. She couldn't wait to get back to Seattle, to her friends and her mom and the hospital she loved so dearly. But she'd miss New York and her and Derek's family.

"Me too," Derek agreed. "I'm going to keep my place, I think."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, nice escape place for us. Plus when we come visit it will give us somewhere to crash without having to impose on one of my sisters."

"That sounds perfect. I'm really going to miss them," Meredith said.

Derek just smiled at her. "You're going back to your man-made family in Seattle."

"But I'm leaving my family here," Meredith said sounding so sad.

Derek beamed. When him and Meredith had gotten back together all she wanted to do was go back to Seattle. But then she met his family. And things had gone better than he could have ever imagined. He knew they'd love her but she was just like one of them. If he hadn't already known that Meredith was the woman for him he would have the first time he called his mother mom. She had found her place not only with him but with his family, and nothing could have made him happier.

Well except for maybe slipping the ring on her finger. The ring that sat safely tucked in one of the many suitcases at his place, waiting for the right moment in Seattle. He needed to do any question popping in Seattle. The prospect of getting down on one knee was terrifying enough, he didn't his family there.

Not that he had any fear that his Meredith would say no.

"Now where did you go?" Meredith asked, realizing that Derek wasn't with her.

"I'm right here, Mer. Always." He whispered. "I love you."

Meredith gave him a confused look at his sudden change in mood but leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss. "I love you too."

They walked forward for a bit further, both lost in their own happy thoughts, holding hands and enjoying the beautiful day they had found themselves in.

"We should probably go home and get ready for that wonderful party," Meredith said in a less than thrilled voice.

Derek laughed and pulled her closer. "Getting ready involves removing clothing. And if I'm already going to have you naked . . ."

"Derek, we can't be late," Meredith said, with a very unconvincing smile on her face.

"It's our party. That we didn't want. We can be as late as we want," Derek said, kissing her gently.

"Well in that case," she laughed, turning away and tugging her laughing boyfriend behind her.

**So there was no purpose to that chapter. Lol.**

**Just a whole bunch of fluff. But who doesn't like fluff? But really, it set some stuff up. You now know Meredith fits in with the family, and I even kept Nancypants! And that Derek is going to propose. So it was important stuff. I just needed to share that they were still in love and happy and things were good.**

**And it's my birthday. A girl should be allowed a little Mer/Der fluff on her birthday. And Shonda is giving us Mer/Der kissing, it's hard to make things better than the show when they're together on the show too! (not that I'm complaining, god I'm not complaining!!!)**

**One min . . .I have a vote. I never have votes but this time I do. Since I'm only writing these chapters as request anyway. Do you want to see the family party? My original plan was to skip it, however if people want to see it, I can do it. It would just be more fluffy filler but you'd meet more family. So it's up to you. If you want it the fic will be 21 chapters. And the proposal will be delayed. But it's up to you guys. So family party . . .yay or nay?**

**Besides that …**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	17. All I Can Do

**Disclaimer: I wish I had a good disclaimer to write, but that clip for tonight's episode has turned my brain to mush. Derek mouthing the word sex is just too much to handle. So yeah, I don't own Grey's Anatomy.**

**So the family chapter …some people wanted it, some people didn't, most didn't care. So I went there and wrote it, last night. But didn't feel the love for it, so decided to wait a day to post it. And when I reread it today, yeah it was crap. So you aren't getting a family chapter. I'm skipping ahead to their arrival back in Seattle. I don't think I have any complaints . . .but if I do, well sorry.**

**Oh and to my curious reviewers, the furniture in storage is a combination of a few things they took from Mer's house and stuff they bought over the last 7 months and threw in storage.**

**This is them back in Seattle, meeting back up with the Seattle family. I'm hoping it's a cute chapter. **

**Enjoy.**

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There was a ringing in Meredith's ear and she couldn't figure out what it was, but as it seem like the sun was just rising it sure was annoying.

Then she spotted Derek's cell phone laying right next to her.

On the floor.

On the floor?

"Der . . .Der . . .your cell phone is ringing?" Meredith told her boyfriend, hitting him gently.

"It's just the alarm," Derek said. At least that's what Meredith thinks he said, his voice was quite muffled from the pillow his head was buried in.

Meredith chose that time to look at the surrounding around her. The room was bright, light pouring in from the huge picture windows. And they were laying on a floor. A cold hardwood floor.

"Derek where are we?" Meredith asked. The night before had been a blur of candles, kisses and very little clothing. And jetlag. She didn't quite remember some details.

"Our bedroom," came his reply, still muffled from the pillow.

"I think our bedroom is missing something," Meredith said with a small giggle.

Derek chose that moment to unbury his head from the pillow, shifting and rolling on top of Meredith on order to grab the cell phone. "Hence the alarm. Remember meeting everyone. Storage. Furniture."

Meredith grimaced at the reminder. "Can't we just stay here all day?"

"We could. Or we could get up and break in the new shower," Derek whispered into her ear.

"Hmmmmm," Meredith muttered in response, wrapping her arms and legs around Derek's naked body.

"But if you want, we can just spend the rest of our lives on the floor."

"No. No. Shower," Meredith responded, hitting him gently in the back.

Derek laughed and pushed himself off the floor, his tiny girlfriend still clinging to his body and carried her toward the washroom.

GAGAGAGAGA

"I must say, I'm impressed, only half an hour late," Izzie said, looking at her watch as Meredith and Derek walked towards where all their friends were standing by the entrance of their storage unit.

"Derek's getting older, can't last as long," Cristina said laughing.

"We were, we were just making sure that our new shower was working properly," Meredith said, fighting off the blush that was staining her cheeks.

"And is it?" Cristina asked, giving Derek a pointed look.

"Yes, everything seems to be working just fine," Derek laughed, pulling Meredith close to him.

"You two are sickening," Cristina said turning away. "It's been 5 minutes and you're already sickening."

"I think they're cute," Izzie said, smiling at them as she grabbed Meredith into a hug. Derek followed soon after.

That's when it started, the hugs, the kisses, the gushing about how great it was to have them both back in Seattle, how great it was to see them back together and obviously so happy. Everyone started asking how New York had been, how the house was, everything and anything. Questions were being fired at an alarming rate.

"So what's your first day back?" Cristina asked, always having work on her mind.

"Both of us start Monday," Derek answered for both of them.

"They took an intern from each of us, so you have your own set Meredith," George told her.

Meredith beamed at Derek. "I get interns."

"You get interns," Derek said back with a smile.

"No sleeping with them," Cristina warned Derek.

"I think my sleeping with intern days are long over. I'm all about residents now. Neuro residents named Meredith," Derek said, giving his girlfriend a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I think I just Mcvomited." Cristina said, walking away in disgust, leading Meredith and Derek just to laugh.

"So how about we get this going so we can get the house set up? We can all catch up when we have a place to sit," Burke said, clapping his hands together.

"Sounds like a plan," Derek said, letting go of Meredith's hand and opening the big garage door, revealing a room full of furniture.

"Thank god I rented a truck," Alex said with a laugh.

"Thank god we have all day. This is going to take all day," George said, sounding more than a little frightened.

It was a lot of furniture.

"Derek and I may have over done it." Meredith said, giving Derek a guilty but happy look.

"May have is an understatement," Izzie said.

The move took as long as George had predicted. The sun was setting by the time Meredith and Derek's house was in livable condition. Boxes and suitcases were still littered everywhere, none of them in the right rooms. But the furniture was in place. Well at least in some place, Meredith and Derek hadn't decided on quite everything yet. But everything was in. So they could sit, eat pizza and catch up.

"So how was New York?" Izzie asked Meredith.

"It was great, perfect," Meredith said, looking at Derek, "but it wasn't home. It's good to be home."

"And what a home. This place is amazing," Alex said, upon re-entering the room after taking a tour of the house.

"Thanks, one of my brother-in-laws is an architect so he designed it for us," Derek said.

"Oh, I so want to see pictures of the family!" Izzie said excitedly.

Meredith jumped up. "There's some on Derek's laptop, I'll just go grab it." And with that she ran up the stairs.

The second she was out of earshot, Derek leaned forward. "George, did you grab the ring from the bag?"

"I did. I'll hold on to it till . . ." George questioned him.

"Christmas Eve."

"You're proposing on Christmas?" Cristina asked, rolling her eyes.

"Maybe. I'm proposing when it feels right."

"That is so cute. I can't believe you're proposing. She's so lucky," Izzie gushed.

"Do not get any ideas," Alex told Izzie.

Everyone laughed and Meredith re-entered the room. "Did I miss something?"

"Nothing Mer, you missed nothing," Derek said, grabbing her arm and pulling her down beside him so she could share the pictures.

Life was good.

**So there's my back to Seattle chapter. I'm having a lot of fun with this fic now, just making up cute lovey moments between our favourite pair. Rarely do I take fanfics this far but I'm happy with doing so. Makes me all warm and fuzzy. It's just a lot of cuteness.**

**And yes, all of the friends know Derek is going to pop the question. And yes it will be at Christmas. But I swear it won't be cheesy at all. My idea in my head is very Mer/Der so it should work.**

**I hope to update again tonight after GA. If not then, definitely tomorrow.**

**And unless something comes up (and I don't think anything will) Season 3 is actually being update tomorrow. How cool is that??**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	18. All I Can Do 2

**Disclaimer: If Grey's Anatomy was mine, I'm don't think I'd have the time to write fanfiction. Oh wait . . .maybe I would. They are taking the entire month of December off. Not that I'm bitter. I swear I'm not bitter.**

**So this fan fic is nearing the end, only 3 chapters left. Well 3 chapters and an epilogue. But never fear . . . my mind is getting stressed because of school. And when that happens it goes to it's creative place to relax, which means I have ideas for 3 new fanfics. And finally have my brain working on Season 3 as well. I don't know if one will be delayed or if you will get me writing 4 at once. I'll see how it goes. Lol.**

**I'm glad that everyone is still enjoying this fic, although it's become pure fluff. I wanted to extend this for you guys but didn't want to damage the fic, so I'm happy that it's seemingly working. I'm so very happy though.**

**Okay enough blabbering . . .this chapter is Meredith and Derek's first day back at work. It shall be cute.**

**Enjoy.**

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"Did you see the new guy?" Carly asked her fellow intern Sarah early on Monday morning. "He just started today."

"Dr. Shepherd, yeah, I saw him," Sarah said, sounding disinterested.

"I hear he's one of the best in the country," Henry, another intern said jumping into the conversation.

"Who cares about that? He's gorgeous!" Carly exclaimed.

Sarah looked up and noticed the doctor in question across the room examining a patient. "Actually now that you mention it, he is nice on the eyes."

"Wow ladies, shallow or what?" Greg said, catching their conversation.

Carly rolled her eyes at him. "You're just jealous you're hair isn't that nice."

"He probably has some gorgeous wife at home," Henry said, looking at the older man.

"Or he's gay," Greg laughed, ignoring the dirty looks both of the girls gave him. "Come on, let's go meet our new resident."

GAGAGAGAGA

Meredith hadn't been standing away and couldn't help but overhear the conversation her new interns were having. It was her first day back at Seattle Grace and already woman were noticing Derek.

"Did you hear that?" Meredith asked Cristina who was standing beside her, "They're completely checking out my boyfriend."

"Carly did always make me think of you. Relax, Mer, you probably sounded the same way when you started," Cristina responded.

"I did not stand around and talk about how good looking Derek was," Meredith protested.

"No, you were too busy sleeping with him," Cristina said with a laugh. "My suggestion, give her to Derek for the day. He'll be him and go on and on about you. She'll figure out pretty quickly he's so far off the market that it's sad."

"This is why we're friends."

"No, we're friends because I was one of the only people that would put up with your sorry ass after Shepherd left. Or are we pretending that never happened?"

"No, it happened," Meredith said, looking at Derek who was leaving the room. He gave her a quick nod as her interns reached her.

"Dr. Grey?" Henry asked sounding nervous. Meredith shot Cristina a skeptical look. No way had they sounded that nervous on their first day. And this wasn't even their first day, just their first with her.

"Oh, my interns. Henry and Sarah you're with me today in the pit. Greg go find Dr. Burke. And Carly, Dr. Shepherd will be needing you today," Meredith said with a smile.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Carly responded with a grin.

"Yes. I heard you singing his praises earlier and thought you would appreciate an opportunity to work with him," Meredith said with an evil grin.

Carly blushed bright red and all but ran away, in the direction Derek had just left in.

"You really are evil, Cristina muttered under her breath as she left.

Meredith just smiled.

GAGAGAGAGA

Around lunch time Meredith's cell phone went off indicating a text message.

_Your intern has been hitting on me all day. I'm laughing, really I am. She is now eating lunch with me. I hate you._

Meredith laughed and texted her boyfriend back, making it clear that she knew he didn't hate her at all.

_Save me_ came the message back.

She decided she'd take pity on him.

"Carly, how is your day going?" Meredith asked as she slid into the chair beside Derek.

"It's going great, Dr. Grey. Dr. Shepherd is great," Carly answered.

"So I've heard," Meredith said.

"What no hello for me?" Derek said, giving Meredith a pout.

"Hi Derek." And she leaned over and kissed him, slyly slipping her tongue quickly into his mouth. Long enough to make his eyebrows raise in surprise but not long enough to be inappropriate. Not that the term inappropriate ever stopped them before.

"Hi Meredith," he said as she pulled away.

Carly sat there, looking confused and more than a little embarrassed. "You, you're . . .she's . . .you're together?"

"Nearly 8 months," Derek said a smile spreading across his face.

"Oh, so not that serious?" Carly said, sounding hopeful.

"As serious as a heart attack," Derek responded.

"Seriously?" Meredith said, laughing at him. "If the others heard half of the stuff that came out of your mouth you would loose that nickname."

"Really? So you don't refer to me by my nickname anymore?"

"I do."

"And what does that say about you?" Derek said, grabbing the other half of Meredith's sandwich.

"I'm an idiot. And did I say you could have that?" Meredith said, watching Derek munch on her sandwich.

"You're the one that packed me the carrot sticks. You can eat them," Derek said making a face and pushing a bag of carrots at Meredith.

"I only packed the carrots because you were complaining about not being as 'hot' anymore and how you needed to avoid the carbs."

"I hate you, you get that right?" Derek said.

Meredith just laughed in response, rolling her eyes at Derek and pulled a carrot from the bag that now sat in front of her.

"I can't believe she's the girlfriend you talked about all morning," Carly said, finally coming out of her shock of watching the couple enough to say something.

"So you did talk about me all morning," Meredith said smiling, feeding Derek a carrot.

"Of course, this is the first day in over a month that I haven't spent with you. I miss you," Derek said after swallowing the carrot.

"I miss you too."

"You should have put yourself on my case," Derek said.

"I wanted to. But I can't do that all the time," Meredith said with a shrug.

"Why? You're going neuro. You can learn a lot under me."

Meredith laughed hard at that one. "I'm sure I can Dr. Shepherd." And then her pager went off. "Crap, I have to go. Meet you in the lobby later?"

"Yep. Love you." Derek said, giving her a quick kiss.

"Love you too," Meredith said, starting to head off. "Carly, check in with me before you leave."

Carly didn't respond. She was to busy staring at Derek now that Meredith was gone. Seeing him with Meredith had been like seeing a different man, he had come alive. She wanted to make him come alive like that. Be like that with him. She wanted it. Not to mention the fact he was drop dead gorgeous and a top notch surgeon. She wanted him.

"Stop," Derek said sounding impatient.

"What?" Carly asked, completely confused.

"I can see the wheels turning in your head, stop, you're wasting your time."

"I have no idea what you're talking about Dr. Shepherd." Carly said, trying to sound innocent.

"Women have been giving me that look since I became a doctor, I get it. I love Meredith. I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving her. No amount of your scheming will stop that," Derek said in a serious tone.

"You can't know that you will love her forever," Carly tried to argue.

"Carly, Meredith and I … we're not an average couple. How we feel about each other, it's just . . .it just is. You may not think we're serious, but the engagement ring I have one of our friends holding onto says differently. She's it for me. So don't bother even trying to come between us. You will fail."

"I just . . ."

"I suggest you let this go, Dr. Samson. Meredith and I, and our friends can make your life a living hell, you don't want that."

"But …"

"Carly, you're young. Go find your own McDreamy. I'm taken."

"My own what?"

But Derek was already half away across the lunch area. Meredith had a surgery in half an hour and he wanted to get the gallery in time to make sure he didn't miss it. Having working in two different hospitals in New York he rarely got to see her work, so he was grabbing this one.

And well, it would annoy the hell out of Carly.

GAGAGAGAGA

"I never knew you were that evil," a voice said behind her, wrapping his arms around her.

Meredith leaned back against his body, recognizing the voice, the smell, even just the feeling of his arms. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Cristina told me you knew Carly wanted in my scrubs," Derek said with a laugh.

Meredith started laughing. "I thought she should get to know the real you, assumed it would change her opinion."

"Oh the real me, that guy that is so madly in love that it's probably pathetic to outsiders."

"Yeah, that's the one," Meredith said, turning around in his arms. "Thanks for not letting me down. I assume it will now get around that Dr. McDreamy is very much off the market."

"I don't think she got the message," Derek said quietly.

"What?"

"After you left, I could see her scheming in her eyes. She didn't think you were a threat. I set her straight," Derek said, pulling Meredith a little closer.

"I'd like to see her try," Meredith said sounding a little angry.

Derek just laughed, and pulled away from her, reaching for her hand. "I love you, Mer."

"I love you too, Der."

"Let's go home."

**So there's another chapter.**

**I'm not loving this one, it felt off or something. I contemplated changing it somehow or leaving it out, but the Mer/Der interaction stole me. It's just so totally adorable and old married couplish. So this whole entire chapter was just so I could have them talking about carrot sticks and Meredith learning things under him.**

**I'd say when I'm updating again but as I write this the site that I post this on isn't actually letting me update. So the next chapter will come when it comes. Chances are when you're reading this the other chapter is already up. So yeah . . .**

**Read. Love. Review. (or in this chapter's case, don't)**


	19. All I Can Do 3

**Disclaimer: If Grey's Anatomy was mine this week's episode wouldn't be the last of 2006. Nope it would go right to the 21st. And then only the 28th would be off. Yep yep. Why yes I am bitter. Grey's Anatomy is not mine. Meredith is not mine. Cristina is not mine. McDreamy …well he'll be mine when I go to bed in a few hours.**

**This is the 2nd to last chapter if you don't count the epilogue. Yep this fic is really coming to a close. It's crazy, I know. I even know it's crazy. I hate saying goodbye to my fics but I have so much in my head that I can't keep this one going. So yeah, nearly done.**

**But there's still a little more Mer/Der cuteness before I say goodbye to this one. This chapter takes place a week before Christmas.**

**Enjoy.**

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"Shepherd," Alex said in greeting as he approached him standing by the board.

"Karev," Derek said, nodding his head at his friend.

"You sure you want us all over for the big question?" Alex asked him, after looking around to make sure that Meredith wasn't anywhere within ear shot.

"Yeah. You're our family," Derek said with a small shrug.

"Well thanks, man. Now Izzie can't shut up about how romantic you are, next thing I know she's going to want a ring of her own."

Derek laughed. "Getting married isn't that scary."

Alex's pager chose that moment to go off. "You keep telling yourself that dude," he said as he walked away.

Derek stood at the board a bit longer, staring at Meredith's name. She was performing a minor procedure by herself and he couldn't be prouder of her. As the boyfriend. And as the boss. He loved her, but even if he didn't he would have had complete faith in her as a surgeon. She was good. She was more than good. He was about to go watch her when two younger residents walked up.

"Did you hear Grey lost her patient?" one said to another.

"What happened? I thought it was a simple procedure," the other one said.

"No idea," the first one responded.

"I knew she was just some overblown big shot. If she didn't have that last name and that boyfriend, she probably wouldn't even be here," the other responded.

Derek contemplated saying something but realized he had more important things to take care of.

He found her exactly where he had expected to.

His darkened office was filled with the sound of her sobs.

It broke his heart.

"Mer?" he said, quietly into darkness.

A whimper from his couch was the best response he got.

"Oh Mer," Derek said, slipping onto the couch beside her and pulling her into his arms, barely making out her face in the darkened room. "I heard. It's okay. I'm here."

Derek ran his fingers gently through her hair as her head fell onto his shoulder, wetting the sleeve of his scrubs with her tears. He held her close, letting her cry it out, gently whispering comforting words into her ear. Eventually the tears slowed down and soon subsided, leaving her still clinging to him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Derek whispered into the darkness.

"I don't know what happened," she responded, her first words since he had entered the room. The shakiness in her voice made him hold her tighter. "Everything was fine, and then she just . . ."

"Mer, you know that happens. It just …it happens. There was nothing you could do," he said, running his fingers through his hair, as her other hand intertwined with his.

"Maybe there was," Meredith said quietly.

"There wasn't."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do," Derek reassured her. "Do you want me to look over everything to make sure, see if the family wants an autopsy?" He felt her head move against his chest, as she nodded in agreement. "I'll take care of it."

"She was five, Derek. Five," Meredith said, on the verge of tears again. "I have to go tell her parents that she's gone. She was five."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Derek gently offered.

"You can do that?" Meredith said, Derek feeling her moving her head so she was looking up at him.

"As head of neuro, I can go with you. You have to talk to them, but I can be with you. It's allowed," Derek responded.

Meredith just nodded her head in agreement, not trusting her voice. They sat in silence for a few minutes, her breath still getting back to normal.

"I tried so hard to save her, Der. I just kept thinking what is she was ours. What if we were the parents. What if one day a doctor has to tell us they couldn't save our baby. I just…I couldn't give up," Meredith said, snuggling further into Derek's arms.

"I thought you didn't want children," Derek whispered to her.

"I didn't. And then there was you," Meredith said. Derek could hear the smile in her voice.

"You changed your mind?" Derek asked, almost too afraid to hope. Meredith had made it clear quite some time ago that she wasn't interested in children. And as badly as he wanted them, as badly as he wanted them with her, he was willing to forget about it. Because he wanted Meredith more. But if she had changed her mind . . .

"Yeah, I think I have. You need children of your own, Der. When your with your sisters kids, you just need your own," Meredith said, the smile apparent in her voice again.

"Mer, I don't want you just . . ." Derek started.

But Meredith cut him off. "I'm not. I love children Derek, I just never thought I could do it. I didn't want to be my mom. I didn't think I could do it. But then there was us. And we, I think we can do it."

"You sure, Mer?" Derek asked.

"I want to have your babies Derek. I want to get big, fat, and pregnant with your babies. I want to have a family with you," Meredith said, looking up at him, noticing the smile stretching across his face. "After we're married."

At that Derek just laughed, pulling her fully onto his lap and giving her a quick kiss.

"But we can practice the baby making until then," Meredith said with a smile.

"After we talk to family," Derek gently said, gently pushing Meredith out of his lap so he could stand up pulling her up behind him.

"Oh yeah, that," Meredith said, the smiling slipping of her face.

"Hey," Derek said pulling her toward him, "you'll be fine."

"I have you," Meredith said a small smile tugging at her lips.

"You have me," Derek said, giving her a quick kiss.

With that the two walked out of the room, his hand resting gently on her back, as they went to tell the family.

**Sigh.**

**I think I'm addicted to Mer/Der fluff. Seriously. It's just fun to write. This chapter is so sad and yet they have this happy bond between them, that not even all the sadness that is surrounding them can break. He's there for her. And she tells him she wants a family. It's so cute and kind of heartbreaking. I like this chapter.**

**Hmmm . . .so Derek has a question to ask Mer. And it's a week to Christmas. And there's only one chapter left of this fic, not counting the epilogue. Wonder what will happen? Hehehe.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	20. All I Can Do 4

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. Obviously. If Grey's was mine I would not be writing this thinking about how I should actually be working on school assignments. Don't worry, I have 2 weeks before it's due so it's not actually that pressing.**

**So this is it ladies, the last chapter. All done. Well there will be an epilogue but this wraps up the story basically. A final thank you and goodbye will come at the end of the epilogue, but really, thanks a lot for all the great reviews. They keep me writing, and make me want to start plugging away on a novel since I know I have fans.**

**This chapter is more Mer/Der cuteness. And well, you know stuff. Hehehe.**

**Enjoy.**

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Derek woke up to the feel of a skinny body sprawled on top of him and the smell of lavender filling his nostrils, probably because of the blonde hair draped over his face. From the way her chest was moving against his he could tell she was up.

"Merry Christmas," Derek said, rolling around so he had her pinned to the bed instead of him.

"Merry Christmas," Meredith said, her voice coming out muffled against his shoulder.

Derek pulled back slightly and leaned in, gently kissing her lips, "Wonder whose bright idea it was to put mistletoe over the bed?"

"A man smart enough to realize he wasn't going to get kisses any other way," Meredith said laughing, looking at the mistletoe that Derek had insisted be put over their bed.

"Oh I know other ways to get a kiss," Derek said, wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

"Don't remind me, my scalp still hurts. You pulled too hard last night," Meredith complained, rubbing her head.

"You know you like it," Derek said with a laugh.

And then she was on top of him again, nibbling gently at his lips and running his fingers through his hair. "I love you," she murmured against his neck.

"I love you too," he said, wrapping his arms tight around her. "It's our first Christmas together. I can't believe it's our first Christmas together."

"It feels like forever. It's going to be forever," Meredith said.

Derek rolled over again so he was back on top, the sheets completely tangled around them by this point. "It is. This is the first of many Christmases."

"I never liked Christmas before Derek. It always made me feel more alone. My mom. My dad. You. This is the first one I've ever even looked forward too. Thank you for that."

"You'll never be alone again."

And the pulled back and looked at her. Her head resting between his two arms, the beautiful blonde hair cascading around her like a halo. Her eyes sparkled with happiness, a smile stretched across her mouth. She was glowing, radiant. He had never seen her look so happy before. He thought of his plans for later that day, before Izzie's dinner. He had planned it all out. Everyone was going to be there, surrounding the tree. And he has a speech written, a friggin speech. The whole getting down on one knee, in front of the Christmas tree.

It was going to be like something from a romance novel.

It wasn't them.

Screw it.

This was them.

So Derek grabbed Meredith in his arms and rolled around on the bed with her, holding her sides and loving the sound of her laughter resonating in his ears. When they reached the side of the bed, his side, he reached into the drawer and pulled something out.

"Derek?" Meredith said, giving him a questioning look.

"Meredith," Derek said, taking a deep breath. He brought his hand out and opened his fist, revealing the tiny ring box held in his palm. Meredith's smile immediately widened and tears made her eyes glisten. Derek had never seen her look more beautiful. Moving slowly, he flicked open the box, revealing the sparkling diamond ring. "Marry me?" he whispered, knowing no other words were needed.

Meredith didn't say a word, just nodded in response.

It was all Derek needed. He pulled away, getting on his knees to remove the ring from the box with shaky hands. With even shakier hands he sipped it on her finger.

"Yes," Meredith breather her hand resting in his. "Yes, yes, yes."

With that Derek felt tears prickle his own eyes. Meredith was going to be his. Forever. She already was but this made it official. He was his. Derek bent down to kiss her but before he could she broke into an odd combination of laughter and tears. Derek was confused at first, but soon found himself falling into her arms and joining her in the mess of emotion.

"We're getting married," Meredith said trying to catch her breath.

"We're getting married," Derek said, more loudly than he intended.

The door swung open.

"What? You were supposed to wait. Why didn't you wait?" Izzie said, looking shocked and disappointed at the news. "George, he didn't wait."

"What?" George said coming into view, "You didn't wait?"

"Sorry guys," Derek said with a shrug, not looking sorry at all.

"What are they talking about?" Meredith said looking at everyone else.

"He had a big romantic plan and he didn't wait," Izzie said with a pout.

"You had a big romantic plan?" Meredith looked at him, an intrigued smile spreading across her face.

"Everyone was going to be there. Speech. Knee. In front of the tree, the whole bit," Izzie complained, sounding annoyed.

"Aw, why didn't you wait?" Meredith said, pouting at him now.

"I didn't want to anymore, this felt right to do it now. I hope you're not disappointed," Derek said, fiddling with the ring on her finger.

"No this was perfect," Meredith said, finally leaning in to give him a kiss.

When they pulled apart they were met by two smiling faces.

"Do you want me to do it again later tonight?" Derek asked them, laughing slightly.

"No guy, don't worry about it," George said in a rush.

"You're happy. And engaged. That's all that matters," Izzie said, smiling.

Meredith smiled up at Derek. She had never been this happy before. Derek smiled back at her, pulling her closer. He had never felt so complete.

Izzie caught the looks they were sharing. "Umm . . ." she muttered sounding awkward. "George and I are, we're gong to go for a walk. Everyone is coming over in about an hour to do the present thing, but right now we're going to leave you two alone."

"Very very alone," George squeaked out. "Congrats."

"Congrats!" Izzie said, closing the door on the happy couple.

The two laughed but soon grew serious as their eyes met. They were alone. Really alone. Meredith had found herself wishing that they hadn't spent the night at her old home, but at the new one instead. But the part of her that had never had a real Christmas as a child had craved waking up in a house full of people, not just her and Derek. So they spent the night in her childhood home. Not alone.

But now they were alone.

Derek pulled her into his arms, interrupting her thoughts with a searing kiss.

Her hands found the waistband of his pyjama pants and she fingered the fabric. "Dr. Shepherd, I do believe we have some celebrating to do."

"Why I do think you're right, Dr. Grey," he said, and then made a face. "Dr. Grey-Shepherd? Shepherd-Grey?"

Meredith smiled at him as her hands started pulling his pants down. "Dr. Shepherd, just Dr. Shepherd."

Izzie and George could hear moans coming from upstairs before they even made it out the front door.

**I am so not commenting on this one. Nope. No comment. Just, it speaks for itself. Oh and it might be odd that they spent the night there but I wanted someone in the house to find them immediately post engagement so it had to happen that way. So deal.**

**The epilogue will be posted tomorrow night hopefully. Don't see why not. And no, it won't be the wedding. I've done 2 Mer/Der weddings. I'm switching it up. You shall see.**

**Read. Love. Review.**


	21. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: My life is boring. Seriously, I could tell you details, boring boring details. But then you would be bored. If I owned GA, well my life would not be boring. My life would be amazingly exciting. Therefore I don't own GA.**

**So here it is, the last chapter, the final epilogue. I know how sad it is to see this fanfic end. I have tons of fun writing it. But end it must. I'm not promising a sequel to this fic. And even if there is one, I wouldn't be writing it any time soon. It may pop up. If I can think of the right idea it will definitely come. But right now, no idea for it. So don't hold your breaths. But don't worry, lots to come from me in the future.**

**And I am proud to say, no one predicted what the epilogue was going to be. I had guesses and no one was right. Hehehe.**

**Enjoy.**

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Her fingers intertwined with his as cool sand surrounded her toes. The sand would be hot come morning but right now it was relaxing, under the stars on an empty beach. She had never pictured herself as the beach honeymoon type, but Derek had planned it all. And now she was here. And she loved it.

She knew that was partially a lie, she just loved being called Mrs. Shepherd.

Impulsively, Meredith released her husband's hand and ran toward the water, holding up her dress as she splashed her way in.

"What are you doing?" she heard Derek call from the beach.

"Dancing," she yelled back, a grin stretching across her face as she threw her head back to look at the stars, throwing her arms out beside her she started to spin in a circle, loving the feel of the water lapping at her legs.

"My wife has gone crazy," she heard Derek mutter to himself from the beach.

Meredith stopped spinning and met her husband's eyes from across the water. She was happy. She was happy in a way that she had never thought possible. Smiling she beckoned him to join her and he laughed. But slowly started walking towards the water's edge, the moonlight catching the happy glitter in his eye. It made her think of when she walked towards him on their wedding day, a week before.

It had been perfect.

It had been a dream.

They had it on their land. Just a small group of their family in New York and their mish mash of family in Seattle. It had been a short ceremony, but just like a fairy tale. The two had written their own vows, and even Mark had cried. The party after was held at Joe's, the scene of the original crime as Joe had put it, and almost every hospital employee had stopped by to congratulate them. Or at least attempt to, as Meredith and Derek had spent a good amount of time consummating their marriage in the washroom. It had been perfect.

"Don't you look pensive," Derek said, reaching her and wrapping his arms around her, "What happened to the dancing, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Dancing isn't all that much fun alone anymore," Meredith responded.

"I think I can fix that," Derek said, wrapping one arm around her and finding her hand with his other hand. And then he took a step, and soon they were waltzing, no music, but waltzing.

"Derek's we're waltzing," Meredith said, laughter bubbling up.

"You are so observant tonight, Dr. Shepherd?"

"We're waltzing in the ocean, to no music," Meredith said, through her tiny giggles.

"Would you like me to sing?" Derek offered, with a completely straight face.

"Please, no," Meredith said, stepping in closer to him and resting her head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating steadily.

"Whatever you want, Dr. Shepherd," Derek said into her hair.

"Are you ever going to call me anything but Dr. Shepherd?"

"No, I don't think so," Derek responded with a laugh.

"Our kids are going to think you're weird," Meredith said with a laugh.

Derek laughed as well but didn't bother responding, just pulled her closer to him, humming their wedding song gently in her ear, as the two continued to dance under the moonlight, oblivious of the other few people on the beach who were looking at them oddly.

"I love you," Meredith whispered.

"I love you too."

And then in a flourish, he dipped her, holding her securely around the waist as he lowered her away from him, far enough so the tips of her hair was in the water. She saw the heat in his eyes and felt her skin flush. It was that way with them. One second they could be innocently enjoying the others company, the next they needed to rip the others close off.

He pulled her back up, and into a searing kiss, his lips mashing against hers, his tongue gently guiding past her opened teeth, finding its mate in her mouth. She let out a soft moan as he pulled her tongue into his mouth, gently sucking on it as his hands found a place on her bottom, pulling her closer to his arousal. Her hands found his hair, just as he pulled away.

"Let's go for a swim, Mer," Derek said huskily.

"Derek," Meredith hissed out, completely aware of the fact her heart was still racing, "we can't go swimming. I'm in a dress."

"It's just water," Derek said, a cute pout playing at his lips.

"Derek . . ."

But he cut her off. "Meredith Shepherd, this is our honeymoon. Next week we have to go back to our real jobs. And the stress that comes with them. And friends and family. And the stress that comes with them. And eventually our own children and the stress that comes with them. This week, this is our week. For us and us alone. So if we want to go swimming who cares that you're in a dress. It's our week. Live a little."

Without giving her a chance to respond his hand found hers and he started walking deeper in. She thought of protesting, of telling him just how much her dress cost, but he was Derek. Her husband. And she was far too happy to really care about how much her dress cost.

She wanted to go swimming.

The two walked giggling hand in hand, deeper and deeper into the water, pausing occasionally to make sure they didn't trip over themselves trying to kiss. Their clothes got wetter and wetter, heavier and heavier, but neither of them really cared. Finally, they reached the point where the water reached just above their shoulders and Derek stopped suddenly, pulling his wife into his arms with a crashing urgency.

Their lips found each other again, at a bruising strength, as he lifted her up so was higher and she wrapped her legs around his torso. Their lips pressed hard together, their tongues exploring each other's mouths as Meredith hands found their way around to play with his curls. His lips left her, and began exploring her neck, sucking and biting gently, running his tongue over her bare skin, loving the taste of her mixed with the salt of the ocean. He pulled her strapless dress down slightly, releasing her breasts to the fresh night air, sprinkling gentle kisses all over them.

Meredith gently pulled his head back from her chest, and kissed his swollen lips, gently licking them with her tongue. "Derek, now," Meredith breathed, millimeters away from his mouth.

He smiled at her, the smile that screamed nothing but sex and gently released her, his hands finding the waistband of his shorts and pulling them down slightly. And then he picked her up again, her legs wrapping around his again, as their lips crashed together desperately, not wanting to be apart for a second longer.

The two moved slowly in the water, their lips exploring each other and gently quivering at each others less than gentle touch, as he thrust gently against her, causing them to both moan quietly in pleasure. Their hands explored each other under the water, as they continued the dance they knew so well.

When they were done they walked back up the beach, on shaky knees and wrapped in each other's arms, giggling at what they had just done.

"Derek, we're both well off."

"Yes, Mer," Derek said, giggling at his wife's mood.

"We should buy an island. A Bahama or something. So we can do that more often," she breated out.

"I like the way you think," Derek said laughing. And then he pulled her into his arms, twirling her around as they reached the water's edge, pressing his lips against her, gently as they were still sore.

"My husband has gone crazy," Meredith said with a laugh as he lowered her to the ground.

"Happy, Mer, just happy," he laughed.

And then he saw her looking up at him, her hair curled slightly and frizzed from getting wet, her lips red and swollen, and her eyes shinning with a happiness that took his breath away. "Forever, Mer," he whispered, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.

"Forever," she whispered back, echoing the last words they had said to each other during their wedding.

The couple walked up the beach, still oblivious to anyone around them, hand in hand, their clothes dripping.

**So that may have been my favourite chapter ever. In anything I have ever wrote. Ever. That was it. That was my favourite chapter. I mean, when I write my first novel, that scene is going to be in it. Just, I blew myself away. Good job Alicia, good job indeed.**

**So that's it.**

**That's all you get.**

**Thanks everyone who read this fic! Special thank you to those who reviewed (whether it was on here, or one of my friends who told me elsewhere). I write for the simple love of writing, but it's the fans that keep me posting. I really do love you all and appreciate all the kind words you send my way. One day, when I'm a famous writer and married to Patrick, I will find a way to thank you all.**

**Thank you so much!**

**Look for my next fic, which is at the moment untitled tomorrow. I was contemplating waiting to Friday but Katie will kill me. So tomorrow. It will be up tomorrow. Maybe before GA.**

**Btw reminder this fic has been dedicated to my person, Nat. I love her. And Nat, well you know that. I can't wait to meet you. Love love love you. This one was for you. Hence Derek's sister's name. **

**But this chapter was dedicated to Katie, as we love to get porny together. Well not in that way, just porny as in talking porny. About Meredith and Derek. So this chapter was for her.**

**Okay, done writing . . .**

**READ. LOVE. REVIEW.**


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